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Alice’s 

Adventures in Wonderland 



































































































































































































































































































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ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 
Copyright, 1928 

By Albert Whitman & Company 


ALBERT WHITMAN’S 
ILLUSTRATED CLASSICS 

THE MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY 
By Edward Everett Hale 
Illustrated by Milo Winter 

THE PIED PIPER OP HAMELIN 
By Robert Browning 
Illustrated by James McCracken 

THE LITTLE -LAME PRINCE 
By Dinah Maria Mulock 
Illustrated by Violet Moore Higgins 

THE DOG OP FLANDERS 
By Ouida (Louisa de la Ramee) 
Illustrated by Harvey Fuller 

THE KING OF THE GOLDEN RIVER 
By John Ruskin 
Illustrated by Elizabeth Fisher 

AUNT MARTHA’S CORNER CUPBOARD 
By Mary and Elizabeth Kirby 
Illustrated by Matilda Breuer 


“Just Right Book” 
Printed in the U. S. A. 


DEC 29 1928 

©CIA 2764 


INTRODUCTION 


When Alice went down the rabbit-hole after the 
White Rabbit for the first time, she did not expect to 
become famous or to repeat her adventures in Wonder¬ 
land ever again. But her experiences were so strange 
and interesting that the world has demanded many 
repetitions of her wonderful adventures. And the 
story told for the amusement of the real Alice (Alice 
Liddell) and her friends has found its way across the 
seas from England to America to charm the many 
Alices of our own land. 

Here in this booh is the tale as Leivis Carroll 
wrote it for his own little friends with the clevSr 
drawings that the famous artist John Tenniel made 
to illustrate it. (Other artists have made pictures 
for the story, of course; but no copy of Alice’s Adven¬ 
tures in Wonderland can ever be perfect withoiit the 
drawings by Tenniel.) 

There is a frontispiece with a portrait of the King 
of Hearts as he looked in a judge's robes and wig; 
with his crown on top. There is a picture of the 
White Rabbit with his watch and chain (tvhich sur¬ 
prised Alice so). And there is a picture of the 
Cheshire Cat sitting on the bough of a tree with 


5 


nothing visible except the smile. Then there are all 
the other charming pictures that Tenniel drew so 
that you, gentle readers, could see the sights and char¬ 
acters that Alice saw. 

Now the author of this story, Lewis Carroll, had 
another name. It was long and dignified, Charles 
Lutwidge Hodgson. He wrote other hooks, too, beside 
this tale of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Bid 
they are not half so interesting—to you. One is called 
A Syllabus of Plane Algebraical Geometry; and it is 
all about figures and numbers. For Lewis Carroll 
was a mathematician, and he knew what is called 
Higher Mathematics. When he was not telling Alice 
and her friends these entertaining stories of Wonder¬ 
land, he was telling older people how to work difficult 
mathematical problems and how to understand them. 
As the Duchess might say: u And the moral to this 
is: Study arithmetic, and maybe someday you will 
write a wonderful tale like the one that Lewis Carroll 
wrote for his young friends in Alice’s Adventures in 
Wonderland.” 

W. Montgomery Major. 


6 


All in the golden afternoon 
Full leisurely we glide; 

For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 

Ah, cruel Three! In such an hour, 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather! 

Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues togetherf 

Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict ‘to begin it ’— 

In gentler tone Secunda hopes 
‘There will be nonsense in it ’— 

While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 

Anon, to sudden silence won, 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of bonders wild and new, 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 
And half believe it true. 


And ever, as the story drained 
The wells of fancy dry, 

And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 

“The rest next time—” “It is next time!” 
The happy voices cry. 

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland: 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out — 

And now the tale is done, 

And home we steer, a merry crew, 

Beneath the setting sun. 

Alice! A childish story take 
And with a gentle hand 
Lay it where Childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band, 

Like pilgrim’s withered wreath of flowers 
Plucked in a far-off land. 


8 


CONTENTS 


Chapter 

Introduction . 

Page 

5 

i 

Down the Rabbit-Hole 

. 11 

ii 

The Pool of Tears .... 

21 

hi 

A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale . 

. 33 

IY 

The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill . 

43 

Y 

Advice from a Caterpillar . 

. 57 

VI 

Pig and Pepper .... 

71 

VII 

A Mad Tea-Party . . . . 

. 86 

VIII 

A Queen’s Croquet-Ground 

99 

IX 

The Mock Turtle’s Story . 

. 113 

X 

The Lobster Quadrille 

. 126 

XI 

Who Stole the Tarts? . . . . 

. 138 

XII 

Alice’s Evidence .... 

. 148 


9 















































CHAPTER I. 

DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

A LICE was beginning to get very tired of sitting by 
her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do; 
once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister 
was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations 
in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice, 
“without pictures or conversations?” 

So she was considering in her own mind, (as well 
as she could, for the hot day made her feel very 
sleepy and stupid,) whether the pleasure of making 
11 


12 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting 
up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a white 
rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor 
did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear 
the Rabbit say to itself, “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall 
be too late!” (when she thought it over afterwards, it 
occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at 
this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural) ; but 
when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its 
waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried 
on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her 
mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with 
either a waistcoat-pocket or a watch to take out of it, 
and, burning with curiosity, she ran across the field 
after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large 
rabbit-hole under the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after it, never 
once considering how in the world she was to get out 
again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for 
some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so sud¬ 
denly that Alice had not a moment to think about 
stopping herself before she found herself falling 
down what seemed to be a very deep well. 

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very 


IN WONDERLAND 


13 


slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down 
to look about her, and to wonder what was going to 
happen next. First, she tried to look down and make 
out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to 
see anything: then she looked at the sides of the 
well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards 
and bookshelves: here and there she saw maps and 
pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from 
one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled 
“ORANGE MARMALADE,” but to her great dis¬ 
appointment it was empty: she did not like to drop 
the jar for fear of killing somebody underneath, so 
managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she 
fell past it. 

“Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after such a fall 
as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! 
How brave they’ll all think me at home! Why, I 
wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the 
top of the house!” (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to 
an end? “I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by 
this time?” she said aloud. “I must be getting some¬ 
where near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that 
would be four thousand miles down, I think—” (for, 
you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in 
her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not 


14 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


a very good opportunity for showing off her knowl¬ 
edge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was 
good practice to say it over) “—yes, that’s about the 
right distance—but then I wonder what Latitude or 
Longitude I’ve got to?” (Alice had not the slightest 
idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, hut she 
thought they were nice grand words to say.) 

Presently she began again. “I wonder if I shall 
fall right through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to 
come out among the people that walk with their heads 
downwards! The Antipathies, I think—” (she was 
rather glad there was no one listening, this time, as it 
didn’t sound at all the right word) “—but I shall have 
to ask them what the name of the country is, you 
know. Please, Ma’am, is this New Zealand or Aus¬ 
tralia?” (and she tried to curtsey as she spoke—fancy 
curtseying as you’re falling through the air! Do you 
think you could manage it?) “And what an ignorant 
little girl she’ll think me for asking! No, it’ll never 
do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up some¬ 
where.” 

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, 
so Alice soon began talking again. “ Dinah ’ll miss 
me very much to-night, I should think!” (Dinah was 
the cat.) “I hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk 
at tea-time. Dinah, my dear! I wish you were down 
here with me! There are no mice in the air, I’m 


IN WONDERLAND 


15 


afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that’s very 
like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I 
wonder?” And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, 
and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of 
way, “Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?” and some¬ 
times, “Do bats eat cats?” for, you see, as she couldn’t 
answer either question, it didn’t much matter which 
way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and 
had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in 
hand with Dinah, and was saying to her very earnestly^ 
“Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a 
bat?” when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came 
upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was 
over. 

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to 
her feet in a moment: she looked up, but it was all 
dark overhead; before her was another long passage, 
and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down 
it. There was not a moment to be lost: away went 
Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it 
say, as it turned a corner, “Oh my ears and whiskers, 
how late it’s getting!” She was close behind it when 
she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer 
to be seen: she found herself in a long, low hall, which 
was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but they were 
all locked, and when Alice had been all the way down 


16 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


one side and up the 
other, trying every 
door, she walked 
sadly down the mid¬ 
dle, wondering how 
she was ever to get 
out again. 

Suddenly she came 
upon a little three- 
legged table, all made 
of solid glass; there 
was nothing on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice’s 
first idea was that this might belong to one of the doors 
of the hall; but alas! either the locks were too large, 
or the key was too small, but at any rate it would 
not open any of them. However, on the second time 
round, she came upon a low curtain she had not 
noticed before, and behind it was a little door about 
fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in 
the lock, and to her great delight it fitted! 

Alice opened the door and found it led into a small 
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt 
down and looked along the passage into the loveliest 
garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of 
that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of 
bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could 











IN WONDERLAND 


17 


not even get her head 
through the doorway; “and 
even if my head would go 
through/’ thought poor 
Alice, “it would be of very 
little use without my 
shoulders. Oh, how I wish 
I could shut up like a tele- 
scope! I think I could, 
if I only knew how to be¬ 
gin.” For, you see, so 
many out-of-the-way things 
had happened lately that 
Alice had begun to think 
that very few things indeed were really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little 
door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she 
might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of 
rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time 
she found a little bottle on it, (“which certainly was 
not here before,” said Alice,) and tied round the neck 
of the bottle was a paper label with the words 
“DRINK ME” beautifully printed on it in large 
letters. 

It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but the 
wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry: 














18 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“no, I’ll look first,” she said, “and see whether it’s 
marked ‘poison’ or not:” for she had read several nice 
little stories about children who had got burnt, and 
eaten up by wild beasts, and other unpleasant things, 
all because they would not remember the simple rules 
their friends had taught them, such as, that a red-hot 
poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that 
if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it 
usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if 
you drink much from a bottle marked “poison,” it 
is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or 
later. 

However, this bottle was not marked “poison,” 
so Alice ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, 
(it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry- 
tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffy, and 
buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off. 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 

“What a curious feeling!” said Alice, “I must 
be shutting up like a telescope.” 

And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches 
high, and her face brightened up at the thought 
that she was now the right size for going through 
the little door into that lovely garden. First, how¬ 
ever she waited for a few minutes to see if she was 


IN WONDERLAND 


19 


going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous 
about this, “for it might end, you know,” said Alice 
to herself, “in my going out altogether, like a candle. 
I wonder what I should be like then?” And she 
tried to fancy what the flame of a candle looks like 
after the candle is blown out, for she could not re¬ 
member ever having seen such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more hap¬ 
pened, she decided on going into the garden at once, 
but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the door, 
she found she had forgotten the little golden key 
and when she went back to the table for it, she 
found she could not possibly reach it: for she could 
see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried 
her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, 
but it was too slippery, and when she had tired 
herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat 
down and cried. 

“Come, there’s no use in crying like that!” said 
Alice to herself, rather sharply, “I advise you to 
leave off this minute!” She generally gave herself 
very good advice, (though she very seldom followed 
it,) and sometimes she scolded herself so severely 
as to bring tears into her eyes, and once she remem¬ 
bered trying to box her own ears for having cheated 
herself in a game of croquet she was playing against 
herself, for this curious child was very fond of pre- 


20 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


tending to be two people. “But it’s no use now,” 
thought poor Alice, “pretend to be two people! 
Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one 
respectable person!” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was 
lying under the table: she opened it, and found in 
it a very small cake, on which the words “EAT 
ME” were beautifully marked in currants. “Well, 
I’ll eat it,” said Alice, “and if it makes me grow 
larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me 
grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either 
way I’ll get into the garden, and I don’t care which 
happens!” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself 
“Which way? Which way?” holding her hand on 
the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, 
and she was quite surprised to find that she remained 
the same size: to be sure, this is what generally 
happens wdien one eats cake, but Alice had got so 
much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of- 
the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull 
and stupid for life to go on in the common way. 

So she set to w r ork, and very soon finished off the 
cake. 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 


CHAPTER II. 


THE POOL OF TEARS 


“ Curiouser and curi- 
ouser!” cried Alice (she was 
so much surprised, that for 
the moment she quite for¬ 
got how to speak good Eng¬ 
lish) ; “now I’m opening out 
like the largest telescope 
that ever was! Good-bye, 
feet!” (for when she looked 
down at her feet, they 
seemed to be almost out of 
sight, they were getting so 
far off) “Oh, my poor little 
feet, I wonder who will put 
on your shoes and stockings 
for you now, dears'? I’m 
sure I shan’t be able! I 
shall be a great deal too 
far off to trouble myself 
about you: you must manage 
the best way you can;— but I must be kind to them,” 
thought Alice, “or perhaps they won’t walk the way 
I want to go! Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair 

of boots every Christmas.” 

21 




22 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


And she went on planning to herself how she 
would manage it. “They must go by the carrier,” 
she thought; “and how funny it’ll seem, sending 
presents to one’s own feet! And how odd the 
directions will look! 

Alice’s Right Foot, Esq., 

Hearthrug, 

near the Fender. 

(with A lice’s love.) 

Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!” 

Just at this moment her head struck against the 
roof of the hall: in fact she was now rather more 
than nine feet high, and she at once took up the 
little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. 

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, 
lying down on one side, to look through into the 
garden with one eye; but to get through was more 
hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to 
cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said 
Alice, “a great girl like you,” (she might well say 
this,) “to go on crying in this way! Stop this 
moment, I tell you!” But she went on all the same, 
shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large 
pool all around her, about four inches deep and 
reaching half down the hall. 


IN WONDERLAND 


23 



After a time she heard a little pattering of feet 
in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to 
see what was coming. It was the White Rabbit re¬ 
turning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid 
gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other: 
he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering 
to himself as he came, “Oh! the Duchess, the 






































24 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


Duchess! Oh! won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her 
waiting!” Alice felt- so desperate that she was 
ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit 
came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, “If 

you please, sir -” The Rabbit started violently, 

dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and 
skurried away into the darkness as hard as he 
could go. 

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the 
hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all the 
time she went on talking: “Dear, dear! How queer 
everything is to-day! And yesterday things went 
on just a$ usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in 
the night? Let me think: was I the same when I 
got up this morning? I almost think I can remem¬ 
ber feeling a little different. But if I’m not the 
same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? 
Ah, that's the great puzzle!” And she began think¬ 
ing over all the children she knew, that were of the 
same age as herself, to see if she could have been 
changed for any of them. 

“I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “for her hair 
goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t go in 
ringlets at all; and I’m sure I can’t be Mabel, for 
I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows 
such a very little! Besides, she’s she, and I’m I, and 



IN WONDERLAND 


25 


—oh, dear, how puzzling it all is! I’ll try if I know 
all the things I used to know. Let me see: four 
times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, 
and four times seven is—oh dear! I shall never get 
to twenty at that rate! However, the Multiplication 
Table don’t signify: let’s try Geography. London 
is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of 
Rome, and Rome—no, that’s all wrong, I’m certain! 
I must have been changed for Mabel! I’ll try and 
say l How doth the littte —’ ” and she crossed her 
hands on her lap, as if she were saying lessons, and 
began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and 
strange, and the words did not come the same as they 
used to do:— 


“How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail, 

And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale! 

How cheerfully he seems to grin, 

How neatly spreads his claws, 

And welcomes little fishes in 
With gently smiling jaws!” 

“I’m sure those are not the right words,” said 
poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she 
went on, “I must be Mabel after all, and I shall 


26 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


have to go and live in that poky little house, and 
have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever 
so many lessons to learn! No, I’ve made up my 
mind about it: if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! 
It’ll be no use their putting their heads down and 
saying, 4 Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up 
and say, ‘Who am I, then? Tell me that first, and 
then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up: if not, 
I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody else’—but, oh 
dear!” cried Alice with a sudden burst of tears, “I 
do wish they would put their heads down! I am so 
very tired of being all alone here!” 

As she said this, she looked down at her hands, 
and was surprised to see that she had put on one of 
the Rabbit’s little white kid gloves while she was 
talking. “How can I have done that?” she thought. 
“I must be growing small again.” She got up and 
went to the table to measure herself by it, and 
found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was 
now about two feet high, and was going on shrink¬ 
ing rapidly: she soon found out that the cause of 
this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped 
it hastily, just in time to save herself from shrink¬ 
ing away altogether. 

“That was a narrow escape!” said Alice, a good 
deal frightened at the sudden change, but very glad 


IN WONDERLAND 


27 



to find herself still in existence; “and now for the 
garden!’’ and she ran with all speed back to the 
little door: but alas! the little door was shut again, 
and the little golden key was lying on the glass 
table as before, “and things are worse than ever,” 
thought the poor child, “for I never was so small as 
this before, never! And I declare it’s too bad, 
that it is!” 

As she said these words her foot slipped, and m 
another moment, splash! she was up to her chin in 
salt water. Her first idea was that she had fallen 
into the sea, “and in that case I can go back by 
railway,” she said to herself. (Alice had been to 
the seaside once in her life, and had come to the 
general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the 
English coast you find a number of bathing ma- 













28 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


chines in the sea, some children digging in the sand 
with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, 
and behind them a railway station.) However, she 
soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which 
she had wept when she was nine feet high. 

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as 
she swam about, trying to find her way out. “I 
shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being 
drowned in my own tears! That will be a queer 
thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer 
to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing about 
in the pool a little way off, and she swam nearer to 
make out what it was: at first she thought it must 
be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remem¬ 
bered ho^ small she was now, and she soon made 
out that it was only a mouse, that had slipped in like 
herself. 

“Would it be of any use, now,” thought Alice, 
“to speak to this mouse? Everything is so out-of- 
the-way down here, that I should think very likely 
it can talk: at any rate there’s no harm in trying.” 
So she began: “O Mouse, do you know the way out 
of this pool? I am very tired of swimming about 
here, O Mouse!” (Alice thought this must be the 
right way of speaking to a mouse: she had never 


IN WONDERLAND 


29 



done such a thing before, but she remembered hav¬ 
ing seen in her brother’s Latin Grammer, “A mouse 
—of a mouse—to a mouse—a mouse—O mouse!”) 
The Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and 
seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes, 
but is said nothing. 

“Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” thought 
Alice; “I daresay it’s a French mouse, come over 
with William the Conqueror.” (For, with all her 
knowledge of history, Alice had no very , clear notion 
how long ago anything had happened.) So she be¬ 
gan again: “Ou est ma chatte?” which was the first 
sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse 
gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to 
quiver all over with fright. “Oh, I beg your par- 












30 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


don!” cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt 
the poor animal’s feelings. “I quite forgot you 
didn’t like cats.” 

“Not like cats!” cried the Mouse, in a shrill, 
passionate voice. “Would you like cats if you 
were me?” 

“Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a soothing 
tone: “don’t be angry about it. And yet I wish 
I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you’d take 
a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is 
such a dear quiet thing,” Alice went on, half to 
herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, “and 
she sits purring so nicely by the tire, licking her 
paws and washing her face—and she is such a nice 
soft thing to nurse—and she’s such a capital one 
for catching mice—oh, I beg your pardon!” cried 
Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling 
all over, and she felt certain it must be really 
offended. “We won’t talk about her any more if 
you’d rather not.” 

“We, indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was trembl¬ 
ing down to the end of his tail. “As if I would 
talk on such a subject! Our family always hated 
cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don’t let me hear 
the name again!” 


IN WONDERLAND 


31 


“I won’t indeed!” said Alice, in a great hurry to 
change the subject of conversation. “Are you— 
are you fond of—of—dogsf” The Mouse did not 
answer, so Alice went on eagerly: “There is such a 
nice little dog near our house I should like to show 
you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with 
oh! such long curly brown hair! And it’ll fetch 
things when you throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg 
for its dinner, and all sorts of things—I can’t re¬ 
member half of them—and it belongs to a farmer, 
you know, and he says it’s so useful, it’s worth a 
hundred pounds! He says it kills all the rats and 
—oh dear!” cried Alice in a sorrowful tone. “I’m 
afraid I’ve offended it again!” For the Mouse was 
swimming away from her as hard as it could go, 
and making quite a commotion in the pool as it 
went. 

So she called softly after it: “Mouse dear! Do 
come back again, and we won’t talk about cats or 
dogs either, if you don’t like them!” When the 
Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly 
back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, 
Alice thought), and it said in a low, trembling 
voice, “Let us get to the shore, and I’ll tell you 
my history, and you’ll understand why it is I hate 
cats and dogs.” 


32 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


It was high time to go, for the pool was getting 
quite crowded with the birds and animals that had 
fallen into it: there was a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory 
and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. 
Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the 
shore. 








CHAPTER III. 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

They were indeed a queer-looking party that as¬ 
sembled on the bank — the birds with draggled 
feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close 
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncom¬ 
fortable. 

The first question of course was, how to get dry 
again: they had a consultation about this, and after 
a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to 
find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she 
had known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite 
a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned 
sulky, and would only say, “I am older than you, 
and must know better;” and this Alice would not 
allow, without knowing how old it was, and as the 
Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no 
more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person 
of some authority among them, called out, “Sit 
down, all of you, and listen to me! I'll soon make 
you dry enough!” They all sat down at once, in a 
large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice 
kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure 
she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry 
very soon. 


33 


34 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Ahem!” said the Mouse with an important air, 
“are you all ready? This is the driest thing I 
know. Silence all round, if you please! ‘William 
the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the 
pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who 
wanted leaders, and had been of late much ac¬ 
customed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and 
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria—’ ” 

“Ugh!” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

“I beg your pardon?” said the Mouse, frowning, 
but very politely: “Did you speak?” 

“Not I!” said the Lory, hastily. 

“I thought you did,” said the Mouse.—“I pro¬ 
ceed. ‘Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and 
Northumbria, declared for him; and even Stigand, 
the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it 
advisable—” 

“Found what?” said the Duck. 

“Found it/’ the Mouse replied rather crossly: “of 
course you know what ‘it’ means.” 

“I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when I find 
a thing,” said the Duck: “it’s generally a frog or a 
worm. The question is, what did the archbishop 
find?” 

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hur¬ 
riedly went on, “ ‘—found it advisable to go with 


IN WONDERLAND 


35 


Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the 
crown. William’s conduct at first was moderate. 
But the insolence of his Normans—’ How are you 
getting on now, my dear?” it continued, turning to 
Alice as it spoke. 

“As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melancholy 
tone: “it doesn’t seem to dry me at all.” 

“In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, rising to 
its feet, “I move that the meeting adjourn, for the 
immediate adoption of more energetic remedies—” 

“Speak English!” said the Eaglet. “I don’t know 
the meaning of half those long words, and what’s 
more, I don’t believe you do either!” And the 
Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of 
the other birds tittered audibly. 

“What I was going to say,” said the Dodo in an 
offended tone, “was, that the best thing to get us 
dry would be a Caucus-race.” 

“What is a Caucus-race?” said Alice; not that she 
much wanted to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it 
thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one 
else seemed inclined to say anything. 

“Why,” said the Dodo, “the best way to explain 
it is to do it.” (And as you might like to try the 
thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how 
the Dodo managed it.) 


36 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of 
circle, (“the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it said,) 
and then all the party were placed along the course, 
here and there. There was no “One, two, three, and 
away,” but they began running when they liked, 
and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy 
to know when the race was over. However, when 
they had been running half-an-hour or so, and were 
quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out, “The 
race is over!” and they all crowded round it, pant¬ 
ing, and asking, “But who has won?” 

This question the Dodo could not answer without 
a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time 
with one finger pressed upon its forehead, (the posi¬ 
tion in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the 
pictures of him,) while the rest waited in silence. 
At last the Dodo said, “Everybody has won, and all 
must have prizes.” 

“But who is to give the prizes?” quite a chorus 
of voices asked. 

“Why, she, of course,” said the Dodo, pointing to 
Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once 
crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, 
“Prizes! Prizes!” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she 
put her hand into her pocket, and pulled out a box 


IN WONDERLAND 


37 



of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got into 
it,) and handed them round as prizes. There was 
exactly one a-piece, all round. 

“But she must have a prize herself, you know,” 
said the Mouse. 

“Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely. 
“What else have you got in your pockets” he went 
on, turning to Alice. 

“Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly. 




38 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 

Then they all crowded round her once more, while 
the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying, 
“We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble;” 
and, when it had finished this short speech, they all 
cheered. 

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but 
they all looked so grave that she did not dare to 
laugh, and as she could not think of anything to say, 
she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as 
solemn as she could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused 
some noise and confusion, as the large birds com¬ 
plained that they could not taste theirs, and the 
small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. 
However, it was over at last, and they sat down 
again in a ring, and* begged the Mouse to tell them 
something more. 

“You promised to tell me your history, you 
know,” said Alice, “and why it is you hate—C and 
D,” she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would 
be offended again. 

“Mine is a long and a sad tale!” said the Mouse, 
turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“It is a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, looking 
down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; “but why do 


IN WONDERLAND 


39 


you call it sad?” And she kept on puzzling about it 
while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of 
the tale was something like this:- 


66 


Fury said to 


a mouse, That 
he met 
in the 
house, 
c Let us 
both go 
to law: 

I will 
prosecute 
you .— 

Come, I’ll 
take no 
denial; 

We must 

have a 
trial: 

For 

really 

this 

morning 
I’ve 
nothing 
to do.* 

Said the 
mouse to 
the cur, 

‘Such a 
trial, 
dear sir. 

With no 
jury or 

wasting 

our breath. 

* l ’ll be 


I ’lf.be 
j urjr>’ 

Bald 
cunning 
old Furr S 
•I'll - , 

(lie whole 
cause, 
tod 
condemn 


40 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“You are not attending!” said the Mouse to Alice, 
severely. “What are you thinking of?” 

“I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly: 
“you had got to the fifth bend, I think?” 

“I had not!” cried the Mouse, sharply and very 
angrily. 

“A knot!” said Alice, always ready to make her¬ 
self useful, and looking anxiously about her. “Oh, 
do let me help to undo it!” 

“I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the Mouse, 
getting up and walking away. “You insult me by 
talking such nonsense!” 

“I didn’t mean it!” pleaded poor Alice. “But 
you’re so easily offended, you know!” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“Please come back, and finish your story!” Alice 
called after it; and the others all joined in chorus, 
“Yes, please do!” but the Mouse only shook its head 
impatiently, and walked a little quicker. 

“What a pity it wouldn’t stay!” sighed the Lory, 
as soon as it was quite out of sight; and an old crab 
took the opportunity of saying to her daughter, “Ah, 
my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose 
yomr temper!” “Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the 
young crab, a little snappishly. “You’re enough to 
try the patience of an oyster!” 


IN WONDERLAND 


41 


“I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!” said 
Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular. “She’d 
soon fetch it back!” 

“And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the 
question?” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to 
talk about her pet. “Dinah’s our cat. And she’s 
such a capital one for catching mice, you can’t 
think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the 
birds! Why, she’ll eat a little bird as soon as look 
at it!” 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among 
the party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: 
one old magpie began wrapping itself up very care¬ 
fully, remarking, “I really must be getting home; 
the night-air doesn’t suit my throat!” and a canary 
called out in a trembling voice to its children, “Come 
away, my dears! It’s high time you were all in bed!” 
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice 
was soon left alone. 

“I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!” she said to 
herself in a melancholy tone. “Nobody seems to like 
her, down here, and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the 
world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever 
see you any more!” And here poor Alice began to 
cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. 


42 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


In a little while, however, she again heard a little 
pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked 
up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed 
his mind, and was coming back to finish his story. 


CHAPTER IV. 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back 
again, and looking anxiously about as it went, as if 
it bad lost something; and she beard it muttering to 
itself, “The Duchess! The Duchess! Ob my dear 
paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She’ll get me exe¬ 
cuted, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I 
have dropped them, I wonder!” Alice guessed in a 
moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair 
of white kid gloves, and she very goodnaturedly be¬ 
gan hunting about for them, but they were nowhere 
to be seen—everything seemed to have changed since 
her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass 
table and the little door, had vanished completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went 
hunting about, and called out to her in an angry 
tone, “Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out 
here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair 
of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!” And Alice was 
so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direc¬ 
tion it pointed to, without trying to explain the mis¬ 
take that it had made. 

“He took me for his housemaid,” she said to her¬ 
self as she ran. “How surprised he’ll be when he 

43 


44 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


finds out who I am! But I’d better take him his fan 
and gloves—that is, if I can find them.” As she said 
this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door 
of which was a bright brass plate with the name 
“W. RABBIT,” engraved upon it. She went in 
without knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great 
fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be 
turned out of the house before she had found the fan 
and gloves. 

“How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, “to 
be going messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah’ll 
be sending me on messages next!” And she began 
fancying the sort of thing that would happen: 
“ ‘Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready for 
your walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute, nurse! But I’ve 
got to watch this mousehole till Dinah comes back, 
and see that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I don’t 
think,” Alice went on, “that they’d let Dinah stop 
in the house if it began ordering people about like 
that!” 

By this- time she had found her way into a tidy 
little room with a table in the window, and on it (as 
she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny 
white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of 
the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, 
when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near 


IN WONDERLAND 


45 


the looking-glass. There was no label this time with 
the words “DRINK ME,” but nevertheless she un¬ 
corked it and put it to her lips. “I know something 
interesting is sure to happen,” she said to herself, 
“whenever I eat or drink anything; so I’ll just see 
what this bottle does. I do hope it’ll make me grow 
large again, for really I’m quite tired of being such 
a tiny little thing!” 

It did so, indeed, and much sooner than she had 
expected: before she had drunk half the bottle, she 
found her head pressing against the ceiling, and had 
to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She 
hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself, 
“That’s quite enough—I hope I shan’t grow any 
more—As it is, I can’t get out at the door—I do 
wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!” 

Alas! It was too late to wish that! She went on 
growing and growing, and very soon had to kneel 
down on the floor: in another minute there was not 
even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying 
down, with one elbow on the door, and the other arm 
curled round her head. Still she went on growing, 
and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the 
window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to 
herself, “Now I can do no more, whatever happens. 
What will become of me?” 


46 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now 
had its full effect, and she grew no larger: still it 
was very uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be 
no sort of chance for her ever getting out of the room 
again, no wonder she felt unhappy. 

“It was much pleasanter at home,” thought poor 
Alice, “when one wasn’t always growing larger and 
smaller, and being ordered about by mice and 
rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rab¬ 
bit-hole—and yet—and yet—it’s rather curious, you 
know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have 
happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I 
fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now 













IN WONDERLAND 


47 


here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be 
a book written about me, that there ought! And 
when I grow up, I’ll write one—but I’m grown up 
now,” she added in a sorrowful tone, “at least 
there’s no room to grow up any more here.” 

“But then,” thought Alice, “shall I never get any 
older than I am now*? That’ll be a comfort, one way 
—never to be an old woman—but then—always to 
have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn’t like that!” 

“Oh, you foolish Alice!” she answered herself. 
“How can you learn lessons in here? Why, there’s 
hardly room for you, and no room at all for any 
lesson-books!” 

And so she went on, taking first one side and then 
the other, and making quite a conversation of it 
altogether, but after a few minutes she heard a 
voice outside, and stopped to listen. 

“Mary Ann! Mary Ann!” said the voice, “fetch 
me my gloves this moment!” Then came a little pat¬ 
tering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the 
Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till 
she shook the house, quite forgetting that she was 
now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, 
and had no reason to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and 
tried to open it, but as the door opened inwards, and 


48 ALICE’S ADVENTURES 

Alice’s elbow was pressed hard against it, that at¬ 
tempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself, 
“Then I’ll go round and get in at the window.” 

“That you won’t!” 
thought Alice, and, after 
waiting till she fancied 
she heard the Rabbit just 
under the window, she 
suddenly spread out her 
hand, and made a snatch 
in the air. She did not 
get hold of anything, but 
she heard a little shriek 
and a fall, and a crash of 
broken glass, from which 
she concluded that it was 
just possible it had fallen 
into a cucumber-frame, or 

something of the sort. 

Next came an angry voice—the Rabbit’s—“Pat! 
Pat! Where are you?” And then a voice she had 
never heard before, “Sure then I’m here! Digging 
for apples, yer honour!” 

“Digging for apples, indeed!” said the Rabbit 
angrily. “Here! Come and help me out of this!" 
(Sounds of more broken glass.) 






IN WONDERLAND 


49 


“Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?” 

“Sure, it’s an arm, yer honour!” (He pro¬ 
nounced it “arrum.”) 

“An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? 
Why, it fills the whole window!” 

“Sure, it does, yer honour: hut it’s an arm for all 
that.” 

“Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate: go 
and take it away!” 

There was a long silence after this, and Alice 
could only hear whispers now and then, such as, 
“Sure, I don’t like it, yer honour, at all at all!” 
“Do as I tell you, you coward!” and at last she 
spread out her hand again and made another snatch 
in the air. This time there were two little shrieks, 
and more sounds of broken glass. “What a number 
of cucumber frames there must be!” thought Alice. 
“I wonder what they’ll do next! As for pulling me 
out of the window, I only wish they could! I’m sure 
I don’t want to stay in here any longer!” 

She waited for some time without hearing any¬ 
thing more: at last came a rumbling of little cart¬ 
wheels, and the sound of a good many voices all talk¬ 
ing together: she made out the words, “Where’s the 
other ladder?—Why, I hadn’t to bring but one: Bill’s 
got the other—Bill! fetch it here, lad!—Here, put 


50 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


’em up at this corner—No, tie ’em together first 
they don’t reach half high enough yet—Oh! they’ll 
do well enough; don’t be particular—Here, Bill! 
catch hold of this rope—Will the roof bear?—Mind 
that loose slate—Oh, it’s coming down! Heads be¬ 
low!” (a loud crash)—“Now, who did that?—It was 
Bill, I fancy—Who’s to go down the chimney?— 
Nay, / shan’t! You do it !—That I won’t then— 
Bill’s got to go down—Here, Bill! the master says 
you’ve got to go down the chimney!” 

“Oh, so Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has 
he?” said Alice to herself. “Why, they seem to put 
everything upon Bill! I wouldn’t be in Bill’s place 
for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure, 
but I think I can kick a little!” 

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she 
could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she 
couldn’t guess of what sort it was) scratching and 
scrambling about in the chimney close above her: 
then, saying to herself, “This is Bill,” she gave one 
sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen 
next. 

The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 
“There goes Bill!” then the Rabbit’s voice alone— 
“Catch him, you by the hedge!” then silence, and 
then another confusion of voices—“Hold up his 


IN WONDERLAND 


51 


tfiJj \ 

-$mA 


head — Brandy now — Don’t 
choke him—How was it, old 
fellow? What happened to 
you? Tell us all about it!” 

Last came a little feeble 
squeaking voice, (“ That’s 
Bill,” thought Alice,) “Well, 

I hardly know—No more, 
thank ye, I’m better now— 
but I’m a deal too flustered to 
tell you—all I know is, some¬ 
thing comes at me like a Jack- 
in-the-box, and up I goes like || 
a sky-rocket!” 

“So you did, old fellow!” 
said the others. 

“We must burn the house 
down!” said the Rabbit’s voice, 
and Alice called out as loud as 
she could, “If you do, I’ll set 
Dinah at you!” 

There was a dead silence 
instantly, and Alice thought 
to herself, “I wonder what they will do next! If they 
had any sense, they’d take the roof off.” After a 
minute or two they began moving about again, and 

















52 


ALICE'S ADVENTURES 


Alice heard the Rabbit say, “A barrowful will do, to 
begin with." 

“A barrowful of whatV 9 thought Alice; but she 
bad not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower 
of little pebbles came rattling in at the window, and 
some of them hit her in the face. “I’ll put a stop to 
this," she said to herself and shouted out, “You’d 
better not do that again!" which produced another 
dead silence. 

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles 
were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the 
floor, and a bright idea came into her head. “If I 
eat one of these cakes," she thought, “it’s sure to 
make some change in my size: and as it can’t pos¬ 
sibly make me any larger, it must make me smaller, 
I suppose." 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was de¬ 
lighted to find that she began shrinking directly. As 
soon as she was small enough to get through the 
door, she ran out of the house, and found quite 
a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. 
The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being 
held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it some¬ 
thing out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice 
the moment she appeared, but she ran off as hard as 


IN WONDERLAND 


53 


she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick 
wood. 

“The first thing I’ve got to do,” said Alice to her¬ 
self, as she wandered about in the wood, “is to grow 
to my right size again; and the second thing is to 
find my way into that lovely garden. I think that 
will be the best plan.” 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very 
neatly and simply arranged; the only difficulty was, 
that she had not the smallest idea how to set about 
it; and while she was peering about anxiously among 
the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made 
her look up in a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with 
large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, 
trying to touch her. “Poor little thing!” said Alice 
in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it, 
but she was terribly frightened all the time at the 
thought that it might be hungry, in which case it 
would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her 
coaxing. 

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a 
little bit of stick, and held it out to the puppy: 
whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its 
feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at 
the stick,, and made believe to worry it; then Alice 


54 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from 
being run over, and, the moment she appeared on the 
other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, 
and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold 
of it; then Alice, thinking it was very like having a 
game of play with a carthorse, and expecting every 
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the 
thistle again; then the puppy began a series of short 
charges at the stick, running a very little way for¬ 
wards each time and a long way back, and barking 
hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down a good 
way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its 
mouth, and its great eyes half shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for mak¬ 
ing her escape, so she set off at once, and ran till she 
was quite tired and out of breath, and till the 
puppy’s bark sounded quite faint in the distance. 

“And yet what a dear little puppy it was!” said 
Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to rest her¬ 
self, and fanned herself with one of the leaves; “I 
should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if— 
if I’d only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I’d 
nearly forgotten that I’ve got to grow up again! Let 
me see—how is it to be managed? I suppose I ought 
to eat or drink something or other; but the great 
question is, what ? ” 


IN WONDERLAND 


55 



The great question certainly was, what ? Alice 
looked all around her at the flowers and the blades 
of grass, but she could not see anything that looked 
like the right thing to eat or drink under the cir¬ 
cumstances. There was a large mushroom growing 
near her, about the same height as herself, and when 









56 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and 
behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well 
look and see what was on the top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped 
over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immedi¬ 
ately met those of a large blue caterpillar, that was 
sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smok¬ 
ing a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice 
of her or of anything else. 










CHAPTER V. 

ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other 
for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took 
the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a 
languid, sleepy voice. 

“ Who are youV 9 said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a conver¬ 
sation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly 
know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I 
was when I got up this morning, but I think I must 
have been changed several times since then.” 

“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpil¬ 
lar sternly. “Explain yourself!” 

“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir,” said 
Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.” 

“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

57 


58 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,” Alice re¬ 
plied very politely, “for I can’t understand it my¬ 
self to begin with; and being so many different sizes 
in a day is very confusing.” 

“It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” said 
Alice; “but when you have to turn into a chrysalis 
—you will some day, you know—and then after that 
into a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little 
queer, won’t you?” 

“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” 
said Alice; “all I know is, it would feel very queer 
to me.” 

“You!” said the Caterpillar, contemptuously. 
“Who are you?” 

Which brought them back again to the beginning 
of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at 
the Caterpillar’s making such very short remarks, 
and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, “I 
think you ought to tell me who you are, first.” 

“Why?” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question; and, as Alice 
could not think of any good reason, and as the Cater¬ 
pillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of 
mind, she turned away. 


IN WONDERLAND 


59 


“Come back!” the Caterpillar called after her. 
“I’ve something important to say!” 

This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned 
and came back again. 

“Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down her 
anger as well as she could. 

“No,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had 
nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell 
her something worth hearing. For some minutes it 
puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded 
its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and 
said, “So you think you’re changed, do you?” 

“I’m afraid I am, sir,” said Alice; “I can’t remem¬ 
ber things as I used—and I don’t keep the same size 
for ten minutes together!” 

“Can’t remember what things?” said the Cater¬ 
pillar. 

“Well, I’ve tried to say ‘How doth the little busy 
bee,’ but it all came different!” Alice replied in a 
very melancholy voice. 

“Repeat ‘Yow are old, Father William / ” said the 
Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began:— 


60 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



“You are 'old, father William,” the young man said, 
“And your hair has become very white; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Do you think, at your age, it is right?” 


“In my youth,” father William replied to his son, 
“I feared it might injure the brain; 

But now that Vm perfectly sure I have none, 

Why, I do it again and again.” 






IN WONDERLAND 


61 



“You are 'old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before, 
And have grown most uncommonly fat; 

Yet you turned a bach-somersault in at the door — 

Pray, what is the reason of that?” 


“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 
“I kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ' ointment—one shilling the box — 
Allow me to sell you a couple.” 





















62 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak 
For anything tougher than suet; 

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak — 
Pray, how did y*ou manage to do it?” 


“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law, 
And argued each case with my wife; 

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, 
Has lasted the rest of my life.” 
































IN WONDERLAND 


63 



“You are old,” said the youth; “one would hardly suppose 
That your eye was as steady as ever; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 

What made you so awfully clever?” 


“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,” 
Said his father; “don’t give yourself airs! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 

Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!” 






64 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Not quite right, I’m afraid,” said Alice timidly; 
“some of the words have got altered.” 

“It is wrong from beginning to end,” said the Cater¬ 
pillar decidedly, and there was silence for some min¬ 
utes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

“What size do you want to be?” it asked. 

“Oh, I’m not particular as to size,” Alice hastily 
replied; “only one doesn’t like changing so often, you 
know.” 

“I don't know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing: she had never been so much con¬ 
tradicted in all her life before, and she felt that she 
was losing her temper. 

“Are you content now?” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you 
wouldn’t mind,” said Alice: “three inches is such a 
wretched height to be.” 

“It is a very good height indeed!” said the Cater¬ 
pillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it 
was exactly three inches high). 

“But I’m not used to it!” pleaded poor Alice in a 
piteous tone. And she thought to herself, “I wish the 
creatures wouldn’t be so easily offended!” 

“You’ll get used to it in time,” said the Caterpillar; 


IN WONDERLAND 


65 


and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smok¬ 
ing again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to 
speak again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took 
the hookah out of its mouth, and yawned once or twice, 
and shook itself. Then it got down oft the mushroom, 
and crawled away into the grass, merely remarking as 
it went, “One side will make you grow taller, and the 
other side will make you grow shorter.” 

“One side of what? The other side of whatV* 
thought Alice to herself. 

“Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just as if 
she had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was 
out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mush¬ 
room for a minute, trying to make out which were the 
two sides of it; and, as it was perfectly round, she 
found this a very difficult question. However, at last 
she stretched her arms round it as far as they would 
go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. 

“And now which is which?” she said to herself, and 
nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: 
the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath 
her chin; it had struck her foot! 

She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden 
change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost, 


66 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


as she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at 
once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed 
so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room 
to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and managed 
to swallow a morsel of the left-hand bit. 

“Come, my head’s free at last!” said Alice in a tone 
of delight, which changed into alarm in another mo¬ 
ment, when she found that her shoulders were no¬ 
where to be found: all she could see, when she looked 
down, was an immense length of neck, which seemed to 
rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay 
far below her. 

“What can all that green stuff be?” said Alice. 
“And where have my shoulders got to? And oh, my 
poor hands, how is it I can’t see you?” She was mov¬ 
ing them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to 
follow, except a little shaking among the distant green 
leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting her 
hands up to her head, she tried to get her head down 
to them, and was delighted to find that her neck would 
bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She 
had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful 
zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, 
which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees 
under which she had been wandering, when a sharp 


IN WONDERLAND 


67 


hiss made her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon 
had flown into her face, and was beating her violently 
with its wings. 

“Serpent!” screamed the Pigeon. 

“I’m not a serpent!” said Alice indignantly. “Let 
me alone!” 

“Serpent, I say again!” repeated the Pigeon, but in 
a more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, 
“I’ve tried every way, and nothing seems to suit 
them!” 

“I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking about,” 
said Alice. 

“I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried banks, 
and I’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went on, without 
attending to her; “but those serpents! There’s no 
pleasing them!” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought 
there was no use in saying anything more till the 
Pigeon had finished. 

“As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs,” 
said the Pigeon, “but I must be on the look-out for 
serpents night and day! Why, I haven’t had a wink 
of sleep these three weeks!” 

“I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” said Alice; 
who was beginning to see its meaning. 

“And just as I’d taken the highest tree in the 


68 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a 
shriek, “and just as I was thinking I should be free 
of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down 
from the sky! Ugh! Serpent!” 

“But I’m not a serpent, I tell you!” said Alice, 
“I’m a-I’m a-” 

“Well! What are you?” said the Pigeon. “I can 
see you’re trying to invent something!” 

“I—I’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather doubtfully, 
as she remembered the number of changes she had 
gone through that day. 

“A likely story indeed!” said the Pigeon in a 
tone of the deepest contempt. “I’ve seen a good many 
little girls in my time, but never one with such a neck 
as that! No, no! You’re a serpent; and there’s no 
use denying it. I suppose you’ll be telling me next 
that you never tasted an egg!” 

“I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, who was 
a very truthful child; “but little girls eat eggs quite 
as much as serpents do, you know.” 

“I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon; “but if they 
do, why they’re a kind of serpent, that’s all I can 
say.” 

This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was 
quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon 
the opportunity of adding, “You’re looking for eggs, 


IN WONDERLAND 


69 


I know that well enough; and what does it matter to 
me whether you’re a little girl or a serpent?” 

“It matters a good deal to me said Alice hastily; 
“but I’m not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if 
I was, I shouldn’t want yours: I don’t like them raw.” 

“Well, be off, then!” said the Pigeon in a sulky 
tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Alice 
crouched down among the trees as well as she could, 
for her neck kept getting entangled among the 
branches, and every now and then she had to stop 
and untwist it. After a while she remembered that 
she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, 
and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at 
one and then at the other, and growing sometimes 
taller and sometimes shorter, until she had suc¬ 
ceeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. 

It was so long since she had been anything near 
the right size, that it felt quite strange at first, but 
she got used to it in a few minues, and began talking 
to herself as usual. “Come, there’s half my plan 
done now! How puzzling all these changes are! 
I’m never sure what I’m going to be, from one minute 
to another! However, I’ve got back to my right 
size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful 
garden—how is that to be done, I wonder?” As she 
said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with 


70 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


a little house in it about four feet high. “Whoever 
lives there,” thought Alice, “it’ll never do to come 
upon them this size: why, I should frighten them out 
of their wits!” So she began nibbling at the right- 
hand bit again, and did not venture to go near the 
house till she had brought herself down to nine inches 
high. 


CHAPTER VI. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 

For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, 
and wondering what to do next, when suddenly a foot¬ 
man in livery came running out of the wood—(she 
considered him to be a footman because he was in 
livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, she would 
have called him a fish)—and rapped loudly at the 
door with his knuckles. It was opened by another 
footman in livery, with a round face and large eyes 
like a frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had 
powdered hair that curled all over their heads. She 
felt very curious to know what it was all about, and 
crept a little way out of the wood to listen. 

The Fish-Footman began by producing from under 
his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and 
this he handed over to the other, saying in a solemn 
tone, “For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen 
to play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the 
same solemn tone, only changing the order of the 
words a little, “From the Queen. An invitation for 
the Duchess to play croquet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls got 
entangled together. 


71 


72 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



Alice laughed so much at this that she had to 
run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her, 
and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman 
was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground 
near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. 

“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the 
Footman, “and that for two reasons. First, because 
I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, 












IN WONDERLAND 


73 


because they’re making such a noise inside, no one 
could possibly hear you.” And certainly there was a 
most extraordinary noise going on within—a constant 
howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great 
crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces. 

“Please, then,” said Alice, “how am I to get in?” 

“There might be some sense in your knocking,” the 
Footman went on without attending to her, “if we had 
the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, 
you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.” 
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was 
speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 
“But perhaps he can’t help it,” she said to herself; 
“his eyes are so very nearly at the top of his head. 
But at any rate he might answer questions—How am 
I to get in?” she repeated, aloud. 

“I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, “till 
to-morrow-” 

At this moment the door of the house opened, and 
a large plate came skimming out, straight at the 
Footman’s head: it just grazed his nose, and broke 
to pieces against one of the trees behind him. 

“-or next day, maybe,” the Footman continued 

in the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened. 

“How am I to get in?” Alice asked again in a 
louder tone. 



74 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Are you to get in at all?” said the Footman. 
“That’s the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be 
told so. “It’s really dreadful,” she muttered to 
herself, “the way all the creatures argue. It’s enough 
to drive one crazy!” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good oppor¬ 
tunity for repeating his remark, with variations. “I 
shall sit here,” he said, “on and off, for days and 
days.” 

“But what am I to do?” said Alice. 

“Anything you like,” said the Footman, and began 
whistling. 

“Oh, there’s no use talking to him,” said Alice 
desperately: “ he’s perfectly idiotic! ’ ’ And she opened 
the door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was 
full of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess 
was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, 
nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, 
stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of 
soup. 

“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” 
Alice said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing. 

There was certainly too much of it in the air. 
Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for 


IN WONDERLAND 


75 



the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately with¬ 
out a moment’s pause. The only two creatures in the 
kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a 
large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grin¬ 
ning from ear to ear. 

“Please, would you tell me,” said Alice, a little 
timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was 
good manners for her to speak first, “why your cat 
grins like that?” 

“It’s a Cheshire cat,” said the Duchess, “and that’s 
why. Pig!” 

She said the last word with such sudden violence 















76 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


that Alice quite jumped; but she saw in another 
moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not 
to her, so she took courage, and went on again:— 

“I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; 
in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.” 

“They all can,” said the Duchess; “and most of 
’em do.” 

“I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said very 
politely, feeling quite pleased to have got into a con¬ 
versation. 

“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; “and 
that’s a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, 
and thought it would be as well to introduce some 
other subject of conversation. While she was trying 
to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off 
the fire, and at once set to work throwing everything 
within her reach at the Duchess and the baby—the 
fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of sauce¬ 
pans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice 
of them, even when they hit her; and the baby was 
howling so much already, that it was quite impossible 
to say whether the blows hurt it or not. 

“Oh, please mind what you’re doing!” cried Alice, 
jumping up and down in an agony of terror. “Oh, 
there goes his precious nose!” as an unusually large 
saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off. 


IN WONDERLAND 


77 


“If everybody minded their own business,’’ said the 
Duchess in a hoarse growl, “the world would go round 
a deal faster than it does.” 

“Which would not be an advantage,” said Alice, 
who felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing 
off a little of her knowledge. “Just think what work 
it would make with the day and night! You see the 
earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its 
axis-” 

“Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop off her 
head!” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see 
if she meant to take the hint; but the cook was 
busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be listen¬ 
ing, so she went on again: “Twenty-four hours, I 
think; or is it twelve? I-” 

“Oh, don’t bother me/’ said the Duchess; “I never 
could abide figures.” And with that she began nurs¬ 
ing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as 
she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end 

of every line:— 

“Speak roughly to your little hoy 
And heat him when he sneezes; 

He only does it to annoy, 

Because he knows it teases.” 

Chorus 

(in which the cook and the baby joined) 

“Wow! wow! wow!” 



78 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


While the Duchess sang the second verse of the 
song, she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, 
and the poor little thing howled so, that Alice could 
hardly hear the words:— 

“1 speak severely to my boy, 

I beat him when he sneezes; 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases!” 

Chorus 

“Wow! wow! wow!” 

“Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!” said 
the Duchess to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she 
spoke. “I must go and get ready to play croquet 
with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room. 
The cook threw a frying pan after her as she went, but 
it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it 
was a queer-shaped little creature, and held out its 
arms and legs in all directions, “just like a star-fish,” 
thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like 
a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling 
itself up and straightening itself out again, so that 
altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much 
as she could do to hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper way of 
nursing it, (which was to twist it up into a sort of 


IN WONDERLAND 


79 


knot, and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left 
foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried 
it out into the open air. ‘‘If I don’t take this child 
away with me,” thought Alice, “they’re sure to kill 
it in a day or two: wouldn’t it be murder to leave it 
behind?” She said the last words out loud, and 
the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneez¬ 
ing by this time). “Don’t grunt,” said Alice: “that’s 
not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very 
anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with 
it. There could be no doubt that it had a very turn¬ 
up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; 
also its eyes were getting extremely small, for a baby: 
altogether Alice did not like the looks of the thing 
at all, “—but perhaps it was only sobbing,” she 
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there 
were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “If you’re going to turn 
into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, “I’ll have 
nothing more to do with you. Mind now!” The poor 
little thing sobbed again, (or grunted, it was impos¬ 
sible to say which,) and they went on for some while 
in silence. 

Alice was just beginning to think to herself, “Now, 
what am I to do with this creature when I get it 


80 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


home?” when it grunted again, so violently, that she 
looked down into its face in some alarm. This time 
there could be no mistake about it: it was neither 
more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would 
be quite absurd for her to carry it any further. 

So she set the little crea¬ 
ture down, and felt quite 
relieved to see it trot away 
quietly into the wood. “If 
it had grown up,” she said 
to herself, “it would have 
been a dreadfully ugly 
child; but it makes rather a 
handsome pig, I think.” 
And she began thinking 
over other children she 
knew, who might do very 
well as pigs, and was just 
saying to herself, “if one 

only knew the right way to change them-” when 

she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat 
sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked 
goodnatured, she thought: still it had very long claws 
and a great many teeth, so she felt it ought to be 
treated with respect. 







IN WONDERLAND 


81 


“Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she 
did not at all know whether it would like the name; 
however, it only grinned a little wider. “Come, it’s 
pleased so far,” thought Alice, and she went on, 
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to 
walk from here?” 

“That depends a good deal on where you want to 
get to,” said the Cat. 

“I don’t much care where-” said Alice. 

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you walk,” said 
the Cat. 

“-so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as 

an explanation. 

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you 
only walk long enough.” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she 
tried another question. “What sort of people live 
about here?” 

“In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its right 
paw round, “lives a Hatter: and in that direction,” 
waving the other paw, “lives a March Hare. Visit 
either you like: they’re both mad.” 

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” 
Alice remarked. 

“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re 
all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” 



82 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



44 How do you know I’m 
mad?” said Alice. 

“You must be,” said the 
Cat, “or you wouldn’t have 
come here.” 

Alice didn’t think that 
proved it at all; however, 
she went on: “and how do 
you know that you’re mad?” 

“,To begin with,” said the 
Cat, “a dog’s not mad. You 
grant that?” 

“I suppose so,” said Alice. 
“Well then,” the Cat went on, “you see a dog 
growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s 





IN WONDERLAND 


83 


pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag 
my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.” 

“I call it purring, not growling,” said Alice. 

‘‘Call it what you like,” said the Cat. “Do you 
play croquet with the Queen to-day?” 

“I should like it very much,” said Alice, “but I 
haven’t been invited yet.” 

“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was 
getting so well used to queer things happening. While 
she was still looking at the place where it had been, 
it suddenly appeared again. 

“Bye-the-bye, what became of the baby?” said the 
Cat. “I’d nearly forgotten to ask.” 

“It turned into a pig,” Alice answered very quietly, 
just as if the Cat had come back in a natural way.. 

“I thought it would,” said the Cat, and vanished 
again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, 
but it did not appear, and after a minute or two she 
walked on in the direction in which the March Hare 
was said to live. “I’ve seen hatters before,” she said 
to herself: “the March Hare will be much the most 
interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won’t be 
raving mad—at least not so mad as it was in March.” 


84 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat 
again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

“Did you say pig, or fig?” said the Cat. 

“I said pig,” replied Alice; “and I wish you 
wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: 
you make one quite giddy.” 

“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished 
quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and 
ending with the grin, which remained some time after 
the rest of it had gone. 

“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” 
thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the 
most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!” 

She had not gone much farther before she came in 


IN WONDERLAND 


85 


sight of the house of the March Hare: she thought it 
must he the right house, because the chimneys were 
shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. 
It was so large a house, that she did not like to go 
nearer till she had nibbled some more of the left-hand 
bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet 
high: even then she walked up towards it rather 
timidly, saying to herself, “Suppose it should be rav¬ 
ing mad after all! I almost wish I’d gone to see 
the Hatter instead!” 


CHAPTER VII. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 

There was a table set out under a tree in front of 
the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were 
having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, 
fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a 
cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over 
its head. “Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” 
thought Alice; “only, as it’s asleep, I suppose it 
doesn’t mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three were all 
crowded together at one corner of it: “No room! No 
room!” they cried out when they saw Alice coming. 
“There’s plenty of room!” said Alice indignantly, and 
she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the 
table. 

“Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an 
encouraging tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there was 
nothing on it but tea. “I don’t see any wine,” she 
remarked. 

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” 
said Alice angrily. 


86 



IN WONDERLAND 


87 



“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without 
being invited,” said the March Hare. 

“I didn’t know it was yowr table,” said Alice; “it’s 
laid for a great many more than three.” 

“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. He 
had been looking at Alice for some time with great 
curiosity, and this was his first speech. 

“You should learn not to make personal remarks,” 
Alice said with some severity: “it’s very rude.” 

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing 
this; but all he said was, “Why is a raven like a 
writing-desk?” 

“Come, we shall have some fun now!” thought 






88 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


Alice. “I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles—I 
believe I can guess that,” she added aloud. 

“Do you mean that you think you can find out the 
answer to it?” said the March Hare. 

“Exactly so,” said Alice. 

“Then you should say what you mean,” the March 
Hare went on. 

“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least—at least 
I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.” 

“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. “Why, 
you might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is 
the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the March 
Hare, “that 4 1 like what I get’ is the same thing as 
‘I get what I like’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the Dormouse, 
who seemed to be talking in his sleep, “that ‘I breathe 
when I sleep’ is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I 
breathe’!” 

“It is the same thing with you,” said the Hatter, 
and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat 
silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she 
could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which 
wasn’t much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. “What 
day of the month is it?” he said, turning to Alice: he 


IN WONDERLAND 


89 


had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was look¬ 
ing at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and 
holding it to his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and said, “The fourth.” 

“Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter. “I told 
you butter wouldn’t suit the works!” he added, look¬ 
ing angrily at the March Hare. 

“It was the lest butter,” the March Hare meekly 
replied. 

“Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,” 
the Hatter grumbled: “you shouldn’t have put it in 
with the bread-knife.” 

The March Hare took the watch and looked at it 
gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and 
looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better 
to say than his first remark, “It was the lest butter, 
you know.” 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some 
curiosity. “What a funny watch!” she remarked. 
“It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what 
o’clock it is!” 

“Why should it?” muttered the Hatter. “Does 
your watch tell you what year it is?” 

“Of course not,” Alice replied very readily: “but 
that’s because it stays the same year for such a long 
time together.” 


90 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“ Which is just the case with mine said the 
Platter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s remark 
seemed to her to have no sort of meaning in it, and 
yet it was certainly English. “I don’t quite under¬ 
stand you,” she said, as politely as she could. 

“The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hatter, 
and he poured a little hot tea on to its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, 
without opening its eyes, “Of course, of course: just 
what I was going to remark myself.” 

“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, 
turning to Alice again. 

“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “what’s the 
answer?” 

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter. 

“Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. “I think you might do some¬ 
thing better with the time,” she said, “than wasting 
it in asking riddles that have no answers.” 

“If you knew Time as well as I do,” said the 
Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s 
him” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice. 

“Of course you don’t!” the Hatter said, tossing his 
head contemptuously. “I dare say you never 
spoke to Time!” 


even 


IN WONDERLAND 


91 


“Perhaps not/’ Alice cautiously replied: “but I 
know I have to beat time when I learn music.” 

“Ah! that accounts for it,” said the Hatter. “He 
won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good 
terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked 
with the clock. Eor instance, suppose it were nine 
o’clock in the morning, just in time to begin lessons: 
you’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round 
goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for 
dinner! ’ ’ 

(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said to 
itself in a whisper.) 

“That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice 
thoughtfully: “but then—I shouldn’t be hungry for 
it, you know.” 

“Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter: “but you 
could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.” 

“Is that the way you manage?” Alice asked. 

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “Not I!” 
he replied. “We quarrelled last March—just before 
he went mad, you know-” (pointing with his tea¬ 
spoon at the March Hare,) “-it was at the great 

concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to 
sing 

‘Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! 

How I wonder what yow’re at! y 



92 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



You know the song, perhaps?” 

“I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 

“It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, “in 
this way:— 

‘ Up above the world you fly, 

Like a teatray in the sky. 

Twinkle, twinkle -' ’* 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing 

in its sleep “Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle - ” 

and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make 
it stop. 

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the 
Hatter, “when the Queen bawled out ‘He’s murder¬ 
ing the time! Off with his head!’ ” 

“How dreadfully savage!” exclaimed Alice. 









IN WONDERLAND 


93 


“And ever since that,” the Hatter went on in a 
mournful tone, “he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s al¬ 
ways six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is that the 
reason so many tea-things are put out here?” she 
asked. 

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s 
always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the 
things between whiles.” 

“Then you keep moving round, I suppose?” said 
Alice. 

“Exactly so,” said the Hatter: “as the things get 
used up.” 

“But when you come to the beginning again?” Alice 
ventured to ask. 

“Suppose we change the subject,” the March Hare 
interrupted, yawning. “I’m getting tired of this. I 
vote the young lady tells us a story.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, rather 
alarmed at the proposal. 

“Then the Dormouse shall!” they both cried. 
“Wake up, Dormouse!” And they pinched it on both 
sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. “I wasn’t 
asleep,” he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: “I heard 
every word you fellows were saying.” 


94 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 

“Tell us a story!” said the March Hare. 

“Yes, please do!” pleaded Alice. 

“And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, “or 
you’ll be asleep again before it’s done. 

“Once upon a time there were three little sisters,” 
the Dormouse began in a great hurry; “and their 
names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived 
at the bottom of a well-” 

“What did they live on?” said Alice, who always 
took a great interest in questions of eating and 
drinking. 

“They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, after 
thinking a minute or two. 

“They couldn’t have done that, you know,” Alice 
gently remarked: “they’d have been ill.” 

“So they were,” said the Dormouse; “very ill.” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an 
extraordinary way of living would be like, but it 
puzzled her too much, so she went on: “But why did 
they live at the bottom of a well?” 

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to 
Alice, very earnestly. 

“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended 
tone, “so I can’t take more.” 

“You mean, you can’t take less” said the Hatter: 
“it’s very easy to take more than nothing.” 



IN WONDERLAND 


95 


“Nobody asked your opinion/’ said Alice. 

“Who’s making personal remarks now?” the Hatter 
asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she 
helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and 
then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her ques¬ 
tion. “Why did they live at the bottom of a well?” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think 
about it, and then said, “It was a treacle-well.” 

“There’s no such thing!” Alice was beginning very 
angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went 
“Sh! sh!” and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, “If 
you can’t be civil, you’d better finish the story for 
yourself.” 

“No, please go on!” Alice said very humbly: “I 
won’t interrupt you again. I dare say there may 
be one.” 

“One, indeed!” said the Dormouse indignantly. 
However, he consented to go on. “And so these three 
little sisters—they were learning to draw, you know—” 

“What did they draw?” said Alice, quite forgetting 
her promise. 

“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without considering 
at all this time. 

“I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hatter: “let’s 
all move one place on.” 


96 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse fol¬ 
lowed him: the March Hare moved into the Dor¬ 
mouse’s place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the 
place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only 
one who got any advantage from the change: and 
Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the 
March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his 
plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, 
so she began very cautiously: “But I don’t under¬ 
stand. Where did they draw the treacle from?” 

“You can draw water out of a water-well,” said the 
Hatter, “so I should think you could draw treacle out 
of a treacle-well—eh, stupid?” 

“But they w T ere in the well,” Alice said to the 
Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark. 

“Of course they were,” said the Dormouse,—“well 
in.” 

This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the 
Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it. 

“They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse went 
on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting 
very sleepy; “and they drew all manner of things— 
everything that begins with an M-” 

“Why with an M?” said Alice. 

“Why not?” said the March Hare. 


IN WONDERLAND 


97 



Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, 
and was going off into a doze, but, on being pinched 
by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, 

and went on: “-that begins with an M, such as 

mousetraps, and the moon, and memory, and much¬ 
ness—you know you say things are ‘much of a much¬ 
ness’—did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a 
muchness'?” 

“Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very much 
confused, “I don’t think-” 

“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could 
bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off: the 







98 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the 
others took the least notice of her going, though she 
looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would 
call after her: the last time she saw them, they were 
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot. 

“At any rate I’ll never go there again!” said Alice 
as she picked her way through the wood. “It’s the 
stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the 
trees had a door leading right into it. “That’s very 
curious!” she thought. “But everything’s curious 
to-day. I think I may as well go in at once.” And 
in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and 
close to the little glass table. “Now, I’ll manage bet¬ 
ter this time,” she said to herself, and began by taking 
the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led 
into the garden. Then she set to work nibbling at the 
mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) 
till she was about a foot high: then she walked down 
the little passage: and then —she found herself at last 
in the beautiful garden, among the bright flowerbeds 
and the cool fountains. 


CHAPTER VIII. 

THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND. 

A LARGE rose-tree stood near the entrance of the 
garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there 
were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. 
Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went 
nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them 
she heard one of them say, “Look out now, Five! 
Don’t go splashing paint over me like that!” 

“I couldn’t help it,” 
said Five in a sulky 
tone; “Seven jogged my 
elbow.” 

On which Seven looked 
up and said, “That’s 
right, Five! Always lay 
the blame on others!” 

“You’d better not 
talk!” said Five. “I 
heard the Queen say only 
yesterday you deserved 
to be beheaded!” 

“What for?” said the 
one who had spoken first. 

99 





100 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“That’s none of your business, Two!” said Seven. 

“Yes, it is his business!” said Five, “and I’ll tell 
him—it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead 
of onions.” 

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun, 
“Well, of all the unjust things—” when his eye 
chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, 
and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked 
round also, and all of them bowed low. 

“Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, a little 
timidly, “why you are painting those roses?” 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. 
Two began in a low voice, “Why, the fact is, you see, 
Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and 
we put a white one in by mistake, and if the Queen 
was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut 
off, you. know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our 
best, afore she comes, to—” At this moment Five, 
who had been anxiously looking across the garden, 
called out “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three 
gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their 
faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and 
Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all 
shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with 
their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten 


IN WONDERLAND 


101 


courtiers; these were ornamented all over with dia¬ 
monds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. 
After these came the royal children; there were ten of 
them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along 
hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented 
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and 
Queens, and among them Alice recognized the White 
Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous manner, 
smiling at everything that was said, and went by with¬ 
out noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, 
carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet 
cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came 
THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to 
lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she 
could not remember ever having heard of such a rule 
at processions; “and besides, what would be the use 
of a procession,” she thought, “if people had all to 
lie down on their faces, so that they couldn’t see it?” 
So she stood where she was, and waited. 

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they 
all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said 
severely, “Who is this?” She said it to the Knave of 
Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. 

“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head impa- 


102 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


tiently; and, turning to Alice, she went on, “What’s 
your name, child'?” 

“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” said 
Alice very politely; but she added, to herself, “Why, 
they’re only a pack of cards, after all. I needn’t 
be afraid of them!” 

“And who are theseV ’ said the Queen, pointing to 
the three gardeners who were lying round the rose- 
tree; for you see, as they were lying on their faces, 
and the pattern on their backs was the same as the 
rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were 
gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her 
own children. 

“How should I know?” said Alice, surprised at 
her own courage. “It’s no business of mine” 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after 
glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, began 
screaming, “Off with her head! Off—” 

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, 
and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly 
said, “Consider, my dear: she is only a child!” 

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said 
to the Knave, “Turn them over!” 

The Knave did so, very carefully with one foot. 

“Get up!” said the Queen in a shrill, loud voice, and 


IN WONDERLAND 


103 



the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began 
bowing to the King and Queen, the royal children, and 
everybody else. 

“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen. “You make 
me giddy.” And then, turning to the rose-tree, she 
went on, “What have you been doing here?” 














104 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a very 
humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, 
“we were trying—” 

“I see!” said the Queen, who had meanwhile been 
examining the roses. “Off with their heads!” and the 
procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining 
behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran 
to Alice for protection. 

“You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and she put 
them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The 
three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, 
looking for them, and then quietly marched off after 
the others. 

“Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen. 

“Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” 
the soldiers shouted in reply. 

“That’s right!” shouted the Queen. “Can you play 
croquet?” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the 
question was evidently meant for her. 

“Yes!” shouted Alice. 

“Come on then!” roared the Queen, and Alice 
joined the procession, wondering very much what 
would happen next. 

“It’s—it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice at 


IN WONDERLAND 


105 


her side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who 
was peeping anxiously into her face. 

“Very,” said Alice:—“where’s the Duchess?” 

“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, hurried 
tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he 
spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his 
mouth close to her ear, and whispered, “She’s under 
sentence of execution.” 

“What for?” said Alice. 

“Did you say ‘What a 
pity!’?” the Rabbit asked. 

“No, I didn’t,” said 
Alice: “I don’t think it’s 
at all a pity. I said ‘What 
for?’ ” 

“She boxed the Queen’s 
ears—” the Rabbit began. 

Alice gave a little scream 
of laughter. “Oh, hush!” 
the Rabbit whispered in a 
frightened tone. “ The 

Queen will hear you! You see she came rather late, 
and the Queen said—” 

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a 
voice of thunder, and people began running about in 
all directions, tumbling up against each other: how- 




106 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


ever, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the 
game began. 

Alice thought she had never seen such a curious 
croquet-ground in her life: it was all ridges and 
furrows; the croquet-balls were live hedgehogs, and 
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to 
double themselves up and stand on their hands and 
feet, to make the arches. 

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in man¬ 
aging her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body 
tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with 
its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had 
got its neck nicely straightened out and was going 
to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would 
twist itself round and look up into her face, with such 
a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting 
out laughing: and when she had got its head down, 
and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to 
find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was 
in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there 
was generally a ridge or a furrow in the way wher¬ 
ever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the 
doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and 
walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon 
come to the conclusion that it was a very difficult 
game indeed. 


IN WONDERLAND 


107 


The players all played at once without waiting for 
turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the 
hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was 
in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and 
shouting, “Off with his head!” or “Off with her 
head!” about once in a minute. 

Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had 
not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she 
knew that it might happen any minute, “and then,” 
thought she, “what would become of me? They’re 
dreadfully fond of beheading people here: the great 
wonder is, that there’s any one left alive!” 

She was looking about for some way of escape, and 
wondering whether she could get away without being 
seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the 
air: it puzzled her very much at first, but after watch¬ 
ing it a minute or two she made it out to be a grin, 
and she said to herself, “It’s the Cheshire Cat: now 
I shall have somebody to talk to.” 

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, as soon 
as there was mouth enough for it to speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 
“It’s no use speaking to it,” she thought, “till its 
ears have come, or at least one of them.” In another 
minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put 
down her flamingo, and began an account of the 


108 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


game, feeling very glad she had some one to listen to 
her. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough 
of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared. 

“I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice began, 
in rather a complaining tone, “and they all quarrel so 
dreadfully one can’t hear one’s-self speak—and they 
don’t seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if 
there are, nobody attends to them—and you’ve no 
idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for 
instance, there’s the arch I’ve got to go through next 
walking about at the other end of the ground—and I 
should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, 
only it ran away when it saw mine coming!” 

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a 
low voice. 

“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so extremely—” 
Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind 
her, listening: so she went on “—likely to win, that 
it’s hardly worth while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 

“Who are you talking to?” said the King, coming 
up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great 
curiosity. 

“It’s a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat,” said Alice: 
“allow me to introduce it.” 


IN WONDERLAND 


109 


“I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the King: 
“however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.” 

“I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “and don’t 
look at me like that!” He got behind Alice as he 
spoke. 

“A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “I’ve 
read that in some book, but I don’t remember where.” 

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very 
decidedly, and he called to the Queen, who was pass¬ 
ing at the moment, “My dear! I wish you would have 
this cat removed!” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all diffi¬ 
culties, great or small. “Off with his head!” she said 
without even looking round. 

“I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King 
eagerly, and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and see how 
the game was going on, as she heard the Queen’s voice 
in the distance, screaming with passion. She had al¬ 
ready heard her sentence three of the players to he 
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not 
like the look of things at all, as the game was in such 
confusion that she never knew whether it was her 
turn or not. So she went off in search of her hedge¬ 
hog. 


110 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another 
hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent oppor¬ 
tunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the 
only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across 
to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see 
it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought 
it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs 
were out of sight: “but it doesn’t matter much,” 
thought Alice, “as all the arches are gone from this 
side of the ground.” So she tucked it away under her 
arm, that it might not escape again, and went back to 
have a little more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was 
surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round 
it: there was a dispute going on between the execu¬ 
tioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking 
at once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked 
very uncomfortable. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to 
by all three to settle the question, and they repeated 
their arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at 
once, she found it veiy hard to make out exactly what 
they said. 

The executioner’s argument was, that you couldn’t 
cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off 


IN WONDERLAND 


111 



from: that he had never had to do such a thing before, 
and he wasn’t going to begin at his time of life. 

The King’s argument was, that anything that had a 
head could be beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk 
nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was, that if something wasn’t 
done about it in less than no time, she’d have every¬ 
body executed, all around. (It was this last remark 














112 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


that had made the whole party look so grave and 
anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but “It 
belongs to the Duchess: you’d better ask her about it.” 

“She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the execu¬ 
tioner: “fetch her here.” And the executioner went 
off like an arrow. 

The Cat’s head began fading away the moment 
he was gone, and, by the time he had come back with 
the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared: so the King 
and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking 
for it, while the rest of the party went back to the 
game. 


CHAPTER IX. 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY. 

“You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, 
you dear old thing!” said the Duchess, as she tucked 
her arm affectionately into Alice’s, and they walked 
off together. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant 
temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was 
only the pepper that had made her so savage when 
they met in the kitchen. “When I’m a Duchess,” she 
said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though,) 
“I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen at all . Soup 
does very well without—Maybe it’s always pepper 
that makes people hot-tempered,” she went on, very 
much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, 
“and vinegar that makes them sour—and camomile 
that makes them bitter—and—and barley-sugar and 
such things that make children sweet tempered. I 
only wish people knew that : then they wouldn’t be 
so stingy about it, you know—” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, 
and was a little startled when she heard her voice 
close to her ear. “You’re thinking about something, 

113 


114 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t 
tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall 
remember it in a bit.” 

“Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to remark. 

“Tut, tut, child!” said the Duchess. “Everything’s 
got a moral, if only you can find it.” And she 
squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s side as she 
spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close to her: 
first, because the Duchess was very ugly, and secondly, 
because she was exactly the right height to rest her 
chin on Alice’s shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably 
sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so 
she bore it as well as she could. 

“The game’s going on rather better now,” she said, 
by way of keeping up the conversation a little. 

“’Tis so,” said the Duchess: “and the moral of that 
is—‘Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes the world go 
round!’ ” 

“Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “that it’s done 
by everybody minding their own business!” 

“Ah, well! It means much the same thing,” said the 
Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice’s 

shoulder as she added, “and the moral of that is_ 

‘Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care 
of themselves.’ ” 


IN WONDERLAND 


115 


“How fond she is of finding morals in things!” 
Alice thought to herself. 

“I daresay you’re wondering why I don’t put my 
arm round your waist,” said the Duchess after a 
pause: “the reason is, that I’m doubtful about the 
temper of your fla¬ 
mingo. Shall I try the 
experiment?” 

“He might bite,” 

Alice cautiously replied, 
not feeling at all anxi¬ 
ous to have the experi¬ 
ment tried. 

“Very true,” said the 
Duchess: “flamingoes 
and mustard both bite. 

And the moral of that is 
—* Birds of a feather 
flock together.’ ” 

“Only mustard isn’t a 
bird,” Alice remarked. 

“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess: “what a clear 
way you have of putting things!” 

“It’s a mineral, I think” said Alice. 

“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who seemed 
ready to agree to everything that Alice said; “there’s 





116 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of 
that is—The more there is of mine, the less there is 
of yours.’ ” 

‘Oh, I know!” exclaimed Alice, who had not at¬ 
tended to this last remark, “it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t 
look like one, but it is.” 

“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess, “and 
the moral of that is— ‘Be what you would seem to 
he’—or, if you’d like it put more simply—‘Never 
imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it 
might appear to others that what you were or might 
have been was not otherwise than what you had been 
would have appeared to them to be otherwise.’ ” 

“I think I should understand that better,” Alice 
said very politely, “if I had it written down: but I 
can’t quite follow it as you say it.” 

“That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,” the 
Duchess replied in a pleased tone. 

“Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer 
than that,” said Alice. 

“Oh, don’t talk about trouble!” said the Duchess. 
“I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.” 

“A cheap sort of present!” thought Alice. “I’m 
glad they don’t give birthday presents like that!” But 
she did not venture to say it out loud. 


IN WONDERLAND 


117 


“Thinking again?” the Duchess asked, with another 
dig of her sharp little chin. 

“I’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, for she 
was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, “as 
pigs have to fly: and the m—” 

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’ 
voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite 
word “moral,” and the arm that was linked into hers 
began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the 
Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frown¬ 
ing like a thunderstorm. 

“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in 
a low, weak voice. 

“Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the Queen, 
stamping on the ground as she spoke; “either you or 
your head must be off, and that in about half no time! 
Take your choice!” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a 
moment. 

“Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said to 
Alice, and Alice was too much frightened to say a 
word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet- 
ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of the 
Queen’s absence, and were resting in the shade: how- 


118 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


ever, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to 
the game, the Queen merely remarking that a mo¬ 
ment’s delay would cost them their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen never 
left off quarrelling with the other players, and shout¬ 
ing “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” 
Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by 
the soldiers, who of course had to leave off being 
arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or 
so there were no arches left, and all the players, 
except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in 
custody, and under sentence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and 
said to Alice, “Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?” 

“No,” said Alice. “I don’t even know what a 
Mock Turtle is.” 

“It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,” 
said the Queen. 

“I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice. 

“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he shall tell 
you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King 
say in a low voice, to the company generally, “You 
are all pardoned.” “Come, that’s a good t hin g!” she 
said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the 
number of executions the Queen had ordered. 


IN WONDERLAND 


119 



They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast 
asleep in the sun. (If you don’t know what a Gryphon 
is, look at the picture.) “Up, lazy thing!” said the 
Queen, “and take this young lady to see the Mock 
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see 
after some executions I have ordered;” and she walked 
off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did 
not quite like the look of the creature, but on the 
whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay 
with it as to go after that savage Queen: so she 
waited. 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it 
watched the Queen till she was out of sight: then it 










120 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


chuckled. “What fun!” said the Gryphon, half to 
itself, half to Alice. 

“What is the fun?” said Alice. 

“Why, she” said the Gryphon. “It’s all her fancy, 
that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come 
on!” 

“Everybody says ‘come on!’ here,” thought Alice, 
as she went slowly after it: “I never was so ordered 
about before in all my life, never!” 

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock 
Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little 
ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could 
hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She 
pitied him deeply. “What is his sorrow?” she asked 
the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly 
in the same words as before, “It’s all his fancy, that: 
he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on!” 

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at 
them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. 

“This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, “she 
wants for to know your history, she do.” 

“I’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle in a deep, 
hollow tone: “sit down both of you, and don’t speak a 
word till I’ve finished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some 
minutes. Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see how 


IN WONDERLAND 


121 



he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But she 
waited patiently. 

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep 
sigh, “I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long silence, 
broken only by an occasional exclamation of 











122 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Hjckrrh!” from the Gryphon, and the constant 
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very 
nearly getting up and saying, “Thank you, sir, for 
your interesting story,” but she could not help think¬ 
ing there must be more to come, so she sat still and 
said nothing. 

“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on 
at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now 
and then, “we went to school in the sea. The master 
was an old Turtle—we used to call him Tortoise—” 

“Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?” 
Alice asked. 

“We called him Tortoise because he taught us,” 
said the Mock Turtle angrily; “really you are very 
dull!” 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking 
such a simple question,” added the Gryphon; and then 
they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt 
ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said 
to the Mock Turtle, “Drive on, old fellow! Don’t be 
all day about it!” and he went on in these words: 

“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you 
mayn’t believe it—” 

“I never said I didn’t!” interrupted Alice. 

“You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“Hold your tongue!” added the Gryphon, before 


IN WONDERLAND 


123 


Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on. 

u We had the best of educations—in fact, we went to 
school every day—” 

“I’ve been to a day-school too,” said Alice; “you 
needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle a little 
anxiously. 

“Yes,” said Alice, “we learned French and music.” 

“And washing?” said the Mock Turtle. 

“Certainly not!” said Alice indignantly. 

“Ah! Then yours wasn’t a really good school,” said 
the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief, “Now at 
ours they had at the end of the bill, ‘ French, music, 
and washing —extra.’ ” 

“You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said Alice; 
“living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock Turtle 
with a sigh. “I only took the regular course.” 

“What was that?” enquired Alice. 

“Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” 
the Mock Turtle replied: “and then the different 
branches of Arithmetic—Ambition, Distraction, Ugli- 
fication, and Derision.” 

“I never heard of ‘Uglification,’ ” Alice ventured 
to say. “What is it?” 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 


124 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Never heard of uglifying!” it exclaimed. “You 
know what to beautify is, I suppose?” 

“Yes,” said Alice, doubtfully: “it means—to—make 
—anything—prettier. ’ ’ 

“Well then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you don’t 
know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more 
questions about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, 
and said, “What else had you to learn?” 

“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle re¬ 
plied, counting off the subjects on his flappers,— 
“Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then 
Drawling—the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, 
that used to come once a week: lie taught us Drawling, 
Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.” 

“What was that like?” said Alice. 

“Well, I can’t show it you, myself,” the Mock 
Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never 
learnt it.” 

“Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon: “I went to the 
Classical master, though. He was an old crab, he 
was.” 

“I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said with 
a sigh: “he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to 
say.” 

“So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, sighing 




IN WONDERLAND 


125 


in his turn, and both creatures hid their faces in their 
paws. 

“And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” 
said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. 

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: 
“nine the next, and so on.” 

“What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice. 

“That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the 
Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from day 
to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought 
it over a little before she made her next remark. “Then 
the eleventh day must have been a holiday?” 

“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“And how did you manage on the twelfth?” Alice 
went on eagerly. 

“That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon in¬ 
terrupted in a very decided tone: “tell her something 
about the games now.” 


CHAPTER X. 

Ji 

THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back 
of one flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice 
and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs 
choked his voice. “Same as if he had a bone in his 
throat,’’ said the Gryphon, and it set to work shaking 
him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock 
Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running 
down his cheeks, he went on again:— 

“You may not have lived much under the sea—” 
(“I haven’t,” said Alice)—“and perhaps you were 
never even introduced to a lobster—” (Alice began to 
say “I once tasted—” but checked herself hastily, and 
said, “No, never”)—“so you can have no idea what 
a delightful thing a Lobster-Quadrille is!” 

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a dance 
is it?” 

“Why,” said the Gryphon, “you first form into a 
line along the seashore—” 

“Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle. “Seals, 
turtles, salmon, and so on: then, when you’ve cleared 
all the jelly-fish out of the way—” 

“ That generally takes some time,” interrupted the 
Gryphon. 


126 


IN WONDERLAND 


127 


“—you advance twice—” 

Each with a lobster as a partner!” cried the 
Gryphon. 

Of course, the Mock Turtle said: “advance twice, 
set to partners—” 

“—change lobsters, and retire in same order,” con¬ 
tinued the Gryphon. 

Then, you know, the Mock Turtle went on, “vou 
throw the—” 

“The lobsters!” shouted the Gryphon, with a bound 
into the air. 

“—as far out to sea as you can—” 

“Swim after them!” screamed the Gryphon. 

“Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the Mock 
Turtle, capering wildly about. 

“Change lobsters again!” yelled the Gryphon at the 
top of its voice. 

“Back to land again, and—that’s all the first 
figure,” said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his 
voice, and the two creatures, who had been jumping 
like mad things all this time, sat down again very 
sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice. 

“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly. 

“Would you like to see a little of it?” said the 
Mock Turtle. 

“Very much indeed,” said Alice. 


128 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 



44 Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the Mock 
Turtle to the Gryphon. 4 4 We can do it without 
lobsters, you know. Which shall singU’ 

44 Oh, you sing,” said the Gryphon. 44 I’ve forgotten 
the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round and round 
Alice, every now and then treading on her toes when 
they passed too close, and waving their fore-paws to 
mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very 
slowly and sadly:— 






IN WONDERLAND 


129 


“WiU you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail f 
“There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail. 
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! 

They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the 
dance ? 

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the 
dance ? 

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the 
dancet” 


“You can really have n'o notion how delightful it will be 
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!” 
But the snail replied “ Too far, too far!” and gave a look askance — 
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the 
dance. 

Would not, could not, Would not, could not, would not join the 
dance. 

Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the 
dance. 


“What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied, 
“There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. 

The further off from England the nearer is to France — 

Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but dome and join the dance. 
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the 
dance? 

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the 
dance?” 


130 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to 
watch,” said Alice, feeling very glad that it was over 
at last; “and I do so like that curious song about the 
whiting!” 

“Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock Turtle, 
“they—you’ve seen them, of course?” 

“Yes,” said Alice, “I’ve often seen them at dinn—” 
she checked herself hastily. 

“I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said the Mock 
Turtle, “but if you’ve seen them so often, of course 
you know what they’re like.” 

“I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “They 
have their tails in their mouths;—and they’re all over 
crumbs.” 

“You’re all wrong about the crumbs,” said the 
Mock Turtle: “crumbs would all wash off in the sea. 
But they have their tails in their mouths; and the 
reason is—” here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut 
his eyes.—“Tell her about the reason and all that,” 
he said to the Gryphon. 

“The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “that they 
would go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got 
thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So 
they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they 
couldn’t get them out again. That’s all.” 



IN WONDERLAND 


131 


“Thank you,” said Alice, “it’s very interesting. I 
never knew so much about a whiting before.” 

“I can tell you more than that, if you like,” said the 
Gryphon. “Do you know why it’s called a whiting?” 

“I never thought about it,” said Alice. “Why?” 

“ It does the hoots and shoes,” the Gryphon replied 
very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “Does the boots and 
shoes!” she repeated in a wondering tone. 

“Why, what are your shoes done with?” said the 
Gryphon. “I mean, what makes them so shiny?” 

Alice looked down at them, and considered a little 
before she gave her answer. “They’re done with 
blacking, I believe.” 

“Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon went 
on in a deep voice, “are done with whiting. Now you 
know.” 

“And what are they made of?” Alice asked in a 
tone of great curiosity. 

“Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon replied 
rather impatiently: “any shrimp could have told you 
that.” 

“If I’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose 
thoughts were still running on the song, “I’d have 
said to the porpoise, ‘Keep back, please: we don’t 
want you with us!’ ” 


132 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“They were obliged to have him with them,” the 
Mock Turtle said: “no wise fish would go anywhere 
without a porpoise.” 

“Wouldn’t it really?” said Alice in a tone of great 
surprise. 

“Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle: “why, if 
a fish came to me, and told me he was going a journey, 
I should say 4 With what porpoise?’ ” 

“Don’t you mean ‘ purpose?’ ” said Alice. 

“I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied in 
an offended tone. And the Gryphon added “Come, 
let’s hear some of your adventures.” 

“I could tell you my adventures—beginning from 
this morning,” said Alice a little timidly: “but it’s 
no use going back to yesterday, because I was a differ¬ 
ent person then.” 

“Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“No, no! the adventures first,” said the Gryphon in 
an impatient tone: “explanations take such a dreadful 
time.” 

So Alice began telling them her adventures from 
the time when she first saw the White Rabbit: she 
was a little nervous about it just at first, the two 
creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and 
opened their eyes and mouths so very wide, but she 
gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were 



IN WONDERLAND 


133 


perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her re¬ 
peating “You are old, Father William,” to the Cater¬ 
pillar, and the words all coming different, and then the 
Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said, “That’s 
very curious.” 

“It’s all about as curious as it can be,” said the 
Gryphon. 

“It all came different!” the Mock Turtle repeated 
thoughtfully. “I should like to hear her try and 
repeat something now. Tell her to begin.” He 
looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some 
kind of authority over Alice. 

“ Stand up and repeat ‘’Tis the voice of the slug¬ 
gard,’ ” said the Gryphon. 

“How the creatures order one about, and make one 
repeat lessons!” thought Alice, “I might just as well 
be at school at once.” However, she got up, and be¬ 
gan to repeat it, but her head was so full of the 
Lobster-Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she 
was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:— 

“’Tis the voice of the lobster; I heard him declare, 

‘You have baked me to brown, I must sugar my hair.’ 

As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose 

Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.” 

“That’s different from what I used to say when 
I was a child,” said the Gryphon. 


134 ALICE’S ADVENTURES 

“Well, I never heard it 
before,” said the Mock 
Turtle; “but it sounds un¬ 
common nonsense. ’ ’ 

Alice said nothing: she 
had sat down again with 
her face in her hands, 
wondering if anything 
would ever happen in a 
natural way again. 

“I should like to have 
it explained,” said the 
Mock Turtle. 

“She can’t explain it,” 
said the Gryphon hastily. 
“Go on with the next 
verse. ’ ’ 

“But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle persisted. 
“How could he turn them out with his nose, you 
know?” 

“It’s the first position in dancing,” Alice said; 
but she was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and 
longed to change the subject. 

“Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon repeated 
impatiently: “it begins ‘I passed by his garden ’ ” 












IN WONDERLAND 


135 


Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure 
it would all come wrong, and she went on in a trem¬ 
bling voice:— 

“I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, 

How the owl and the oyster were sharing a pie— fy 

“What is the use of repeating all that stuff,” the 
Mock Turtle interrupted, “if you don’t explain it as 
you go on? It’s by far the most confusing thing I 
ever heard!” 

“Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said the 
Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to do so. 

“Shall we try another figure of the Lobster-Qua¬ 
drille?” the Gryphon went on. “Or would you like the 
Mock Turtle to sing you a song?” 

“Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be 
so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon 
said, in a rather offended tone, “Hm! No accounting 
for tastes! Sing her ‘Turtle Soup,” will you, old 
fellow?” 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a 
voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this:— 


136 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, 
Waiting in a hot tureen! 

Who for such dainties would not stoopt 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 
Beau— ! ootiful Soo—oop ! 

Beau—'ootiful Soo — oop! 

Soo—oop of the e — e — evening, 
Beautiful, beautiful Soup! 


“Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, 
Game, or any other dish f 
Who would not give all else for two p 
ennyworth only 'of beautiful Soupt 
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soupf 
Beau—'ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau—'ootiful Soo — oop! 

Soo—oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!” 


“Chorus again!” cried the Gryphon, and the Mock 
Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of 
“The trial’s beginning!” was heard in the distance. 

“Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice 
by the hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the 
end of the song. 


IN WONDERLAND 


137 


“What trial is it?” Alice panted as she ran, but the 
Gryphon only answered “Come on!” and ran the 
faster, while more faintly came, carried on the 
breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:— 


“ Soo—oop of the e — e — evening, 
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!” 


CHAPTER XI 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their 
throne when they arrived, with a great crowd as- 
sembled about them—all sorts of little birds and beasts, 
as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was 
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each 
side to guard him; and near the King was the White 
Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of 
parchment in the other. In the very middle of the 
court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: 
they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to 
look at them—“1 wish they’d get the trial done,” she 
thought, “and hand round the refreshments!” But 
there seemed to be no chance of this, so sjie began 
looking at everything about her to pass away the 
time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but 
she had read about them in books, and she was quite 
pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly every¬ 
thing there. “That’s the judge,” she said to herself, 
“because of his great wig.” 

The judge, by the way, was the King, and as he 
wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece 

138 



IN WONDERLAND 


139 


if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at 
all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. 

“And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, “and 
those twelve creatures,” (she was obliged to say 
“creatures,” you see, because some of them were 
animals, and some were birds,) “I suppose they are 
the jurors.” She said this last word two or three 
times over to herself being rather proud of it: for she 
thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of 
her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 
“jurymen” would have done just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on 
slates. “What are they doing?” Alice whispered to 
the Gryphon. “They can’t have anything to put down 
yet, before the trial’s begun.” 

“They’re putting down their names,” the Gryphon 
whispered in reply, “for fear they should forget them 
before the end of the trial.” 

“Stupid things!” Alice began in a loud indignant 
voice, but she stopped herself hastily, for the White 
Rabbit cried out, “Silence in the court!” and the 
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, 
to make out who was talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over 
their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down 
“stupid things!” on their slates, and she could even 


140 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


make out that one of them didn’t know how to spell 
4 ‘stupid,” and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell 
him. “A nice muddle their slates ’ll be in before the 
trial’s over!” thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, 
of course, Alice could not stand, and she went round 
the court and got behind him, and very soon found an 
opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly 
that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) 
could not make out at all what had become of it; so, 
after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write 
with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of 
very little use, as it left no mark on the slate. 

“Herald, read the accusation!” said the King. 

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the 
trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and 
read as follows:— 

“The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, 

All on a summer day : 

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, 

And took them quite away!” 

“Consider your verdict,” the King said to the 
jury. 

“Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 
“There’s a great deal to come before that!” 



IN WONDERLAND 


141 



“Call the first witness,” said the King; and the 
White Rabbit blew three blasts, on the trumpet, and 
called out, “First witness!” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with 
a teacup in one hand, and a piece of bread-and-butter 
in the other. “I beg pardon, your Majesty,” he began, 
“for bringing these in: but I hadn’t quite finished my 
tea when I was sent for.” 

“You ought to have finished,” said the King. “When 
did you begin?” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had fol¬ 
lowed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dor- 










142 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


mouse. ‘-Fourteenth of March, I think it was,” he 
said. 

“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse. 

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, and 
the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their 
slates, and then added them up, and reduced the an¬ 
swer to shillings and pence. 

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter. 

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“Stolen!” the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, 
who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. 

“I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an ex¬ 
planation: “I’ve none of my own. I’m a hatter.” 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began 
staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale and 
fidgeted. 

“Give your evidence,” said the King; “and don’t 
be nervous, or I’ll have you executed on the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: 
he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking 
uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a 
large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and- 
butter. 

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensa¬ 
tion, which puzzled her a good deal until she made 
out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger 


IN WONDERLAND 


143 


again, and she thought at first she would get up and 
leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to 
remain where she was as long as there was room for 
her. 




“I wish you wouldn’t 
squeeze so,” said the Dor¬ 
mouse, who was sitting next 
to her. “I can hardly 
breathe.” 

“I can’t help it,” said Alice 
very meekly: “I’m growing.” 

“You’ve no right to grow 
here” said the* Dormouse. 

“Don’t talk nonsense,” said 
Alice more boldly: “you know' 
you’re growing too.” 

“Yes, but I grow at a rea¬ 
sonable pace,” said the Dormouse: “not in that ridicu¬ 
lous fashion.” And he got up very sulkily and crossed 
over to the other side of the court. 

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at 
the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the 
court, she said to one of the officers of the court, 
“Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!” 
on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he 
shook both his shoes off. 

“Give your evidence,” the King repeated angrily 




144 ALICE’S ADVENTURES 

“or I’ll have you executed, whether you’re nervous or 
not.” 

“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began 
in a trembling voice, “and I hadn’t but just begun my 
tea—not above a week or so—and what with the bread- 
and-butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the 
tea—” 

“The twinkling of what?” said the King. 

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied. 

“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the 
King sharply. “Do you take me for a dunce? Go 
on!” 

“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and most 
things twinkled after that—only the March Hare 
said-” 

“I didn’t!” the March Hare interrupted in a great 
hurry. 

“You did!” said the Hatter. 

“I deny it!” said the March Hare. 

“He denies it,” said the King: “leave out that 
part.” 

“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said—” the 
Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he 
would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, 
being fast asleep. 

After that, continued the Hatter, “I cut some 
more bread-and-butter-” 



IN WONDERLAND 


145 


“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury 
asked. 

“That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“You must remember,” remarked the King, “or I’ll 
have you executed.” 

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and 
bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. “I’m 
a poor man, your Majesty,” he began. 

“You’re a very poor speaker,” said the King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was im¬ 
mediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As 
that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you 
how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which 
tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they 
slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon 
it.) 

“I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. 
“I’ve so often read in the newspapers, at the end of 
trials, ‘There was some attempt at applause, which was 
immediately suppressed by the officers of the court,’ 
and I never understood what it meant till now.” 

“If that’s all you know about it, you may stand 
down,” continued the King. 

“I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I’m on the 
floor, as it is.” 

“Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 


146 ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was sup¬ 
pressed. 

“Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs!’’ thought 
Alice. “Now we shall get on better.” 

“I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with 
an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list 
of singers. 





“You may go,” 
said the King, 'and 
the Hatter hurriedly 
left the court, with¬ 
out even waiting to 
put his shoes on. 

“-and just take 

his head off outside,” 
the Queen added to 
one of the officers; 
but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could 
get to the door. 

“Call the next witness!” said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess’ cook. She 
carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed 
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the 
way the people near the door began sneezing all at 
once. 

“Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“Shan’t.” said the cook. 







IN WONDERLAND 


147 


The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, 
who said in a low voice, “Your Majesty must cross- 
examine this witness.” 

“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said with a 
melancholy air, and after folding his arms and frown¬ 
ing at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, 
he said in a deep voice, “What are tarts made of?” 

“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook. 

“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her. 

“Collar that Dormouse!” the Queen shrieked out. 
“Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out 
of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Oft with his 
whiskers!” 

Por some minutes the whole court was in confusion, 
getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time 
they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared. 

“Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great 
relief. “Call the next witness.” And he added in an 
under-tone to the Queen, “Really, my dear, you must 
cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my 
forehead ache!” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over 
the list, feeling very curious to see what the next wit¬ 
ness would be like, “—for they haven’t got much evi¬ 
dence yet,” she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, 
when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his 
shrill little voice, the name “Alice!” 


CHAPTER XII. 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE 

“Here!” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry 
of the moment how large she had grown in the last 
few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry that 
she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her 
skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the 
crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, re¬ 
minding her very much of a globe of gold-fish she 
had accidentally upset the week before. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed in a tone 
of great dismay, and began picking them up again as 
quickly as she could, for the accident of the gold-fish 
kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort 
of idea that they must be collected at once and put 
back into the jury-box, or they would die. 

“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King in a 
very grave voice, “until all the jurymen are back in 
their proper places— all/' he repeated with great 
emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her 
haste, she had put the Lizard in head downwards, and 
the poor little thing was waving its tail about in a 
melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She 

148 


IN WONDERLAND 


149 



soon got it out again, and put it right; “not that it 
signifies much,” she said to herself; “I should think it 
would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as 
the other.” 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the 
shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils had 
been found and handed back to them, they set to work 



























150 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


very diligently to write out a history of the accident, 
all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome 
to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up 
into the roof of the court. 

‘ ‘ What do you know about this business ? ’ ’ the King 
said to Alice. 

“Nothing,” said Alice. 

“ Nothing tvhateverV’ persisted the King. 

“Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“That’s very important,” the King said, turning to 
the jury. They were just beginning to write this down 
on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted: 
“Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course,” he 
said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and mak¬ 
ing faces at him as he spoke. 

“Unimportant, of course, I meant,” the King 
hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone, 
“Important — unimportant — unimportant — impor¬ 
tant-” as if he were trying which word sounded 

best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down “important,” and 
some “unimportant.” Alice could see this, as she was 
near enough to look over their slates; “but it doesn’t 
matter a bit,” she thought to herself. 

At this moment the King, who had been for some 
time busily writing in his note-book, called out 



IN WONDERLAND 


151 


“Silence!” and read out from his book, “Rule Forty- 
two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the 
court.” 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“I’m not a mile high,” said Alice. 

“You are,” said the King. 

“Nearly trwo miles high,” added the Queen. 

“Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,” said Alice; “be¬ 
sides, that’s not a regular rule: you invented it just 
now.” 

“It’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the King. 

“Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his notebook hastily. 
“Consider your verdict,” he said to the jury, in a low 
trembling voice. 

“There’s more evidence to come yet, please your 
Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a 
great hurry; “this paper has just been picked up.” 

“What’s in it?” said the Queen. 

“I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White Rabbit, 
“but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner 
to—to somebody.” 

“It must have been that,” said the King, “unless it 
was written to nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.” 

“Who is it directed to?” said one of the jurymen. 

“It isn’t directed at all,” said the White Rabbit; 


152 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“in fact, there’s nothing written on the outside.” He 
unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added, “It isn’t 
a letter after all: it’s a set of verses.” 

“Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?” asked 
another of the jurymen. 

“No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, “and 
that’s the queerest thing about it.” (The jury all 
looked puzzled.) 

“He must have imitated somebody else’s hand,” 
said the King. (The jury all brightened up again.) 

“Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “I didn’t 
write it, and they can’t prove I did: there’re no 
name signed at the end.” 

“If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, “that only 
makes the matter worse. You must have meant some 
mischief, or else you’d have signed your name like 
an honest man.” 

There was a general clapping of hands at this: it 
was the first really clever thing the King had said that 
day. 

“That proves his guilt,” said the Queen. 

“It proves nothing of the sort!” said Alice. “Why, 
you don’t even know what they’re about!” 

“Read them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. “Where 
shall I begin, please your Majesty?” he asked. 



IN WONDERLAND 


153 


“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, gravely, 
‘and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” 
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:— 

“They told me you had been to her, 

And mentioned me to him: 

She gave me a good character, 

But said I could not swim. 

He sent them word I had not gone 
(We know it to be true): 

If she should push the matter on, 

What would become of you? 

I gave her one, they gave him two, 

You gave us three or more; 

They all returned from him to you, 

Though they were mine before. 

If I or she shoidd chance to be 
Involved in this affair, 

He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as we were. 

My notion was that you had been 
(Before she had this fit) 

An obstacle that came between 
Him, and ourselves, and it. 

Don’t let him know she liked them best, 

For this must ever be 

A secret, kept from all the rest, 

Between yourself and me.” 


154 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve 
heard yet,” said the King, rubbing his hands; “so 
now let the jury-” 

“If any one of them can explain it,” said Alice, 
(she had grown so large in the last few minutes that 
she wasn’t a bit afraid of interrupting him,) “I’ll 
give him sixpence. I don’t believe there’s an atom 
of meaning in it.” 

The jury all wrote down on their slates, “She 
doesn’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it,” but 
none of them attempted to explain the paper. 

“If there’s no meaning in it,” said the King, “that 
saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try 
to find any. And yet I don’t know,” he went on, 
spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking 
at them with one eye; “I seem to see some meaning in 
them, after all. i —said I could not swim—’ you can’t 
swim, can you?” he added, turning to the Knave. 

The Knave shook his head sadly. “Do I look like 
it?” he said. (Which he certainly did not, being made 
entirely of cardboard.) 

“All right, so far,” said the King, and he went on 
muttering over the verses to himself: “ ‘We know it 
to he true —' that’s the jury, of course —‘I gave her 
one, they gave him two — 9 why, that must be what he 
did with the tarts, you know—” 



IN WONDERLAND 


155 


‘But it goes on ‘they all returned from him to 


you, 


said Alice. 


“Why, there they are!” said the King triumphantly, 
pointing to the tarts on the table. “Nothing can be 
clearer than that . Then again —‘before she had this 
fit —’ you never had fits, my 
dear, I think?” he said to the 
Queen. 

“Never!” said the Queen 
furiously, throwing an ink- 
stand at the Lizard as she 
spoke. (The unfortunate little 
Bill had left off writing on his 
slate with one finger, as he 
found it made no mark; hut 
he now hastily began again, 
using the ink, that was trick¬ 
ling down his face, as long as 
it lasted.) 































156 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


“Then the words don’t fit you,” said the King, look¬ 
ing round the court with a smile. There was a dead 
silence. 

“It’s a pun!” the King added in an angry tone, and 
everybody laughed. “Let the jury consider their ver¬ 
dict,” the King said, for about the twentieth time that 
day. 

“No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first—verdict 
afterwards.” 

“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. “The idea 
of having the sentence first!” 

“Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning 
purple. 

“I won’t!” said Alice. 

“Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at the top 
of her voice. Nobody moved. 

“Who cares for you?” said Alice, (she had grown 
to her full size by this time.) “You’re nothing but a 
pack of cards!” 

At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came 
flying down upon her; she gave a little scream, half 
of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them 
off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her head 
in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away 
some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the 
trees on to her face. 


IN WONDERLAND 


157 



“Wake up, Alice dear!” said her sister; “why, 
what a long sleep you’ve had!” 

“Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!” said Alice, 
and she told her sister, as well as she could remember 






158 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you 
have just been reading about; and when she had 
finished, her sister kissed her, and said, “It was a 
curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your 
tea; it’s getting late.” So Alice got up and ran off, 
thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a 
wonderful dream it had been. 


But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning 
her head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and 
thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful Ad¬ 
ventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, 
and this was her dream:— 

First, she dreamed of little Alice herself:—once 
again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and 
the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers—she 
could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that 
queer little toss of her head, to keep back the wander¬ 
ing hair that would always get into her eyes—and 
still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole 
place around her became alive with the strange crea¬ 
tures of her little sister’s dream. 




IN WONDERLAND 


159 


The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rab¬ 
bit hurried by—-the frightened Mouse splashed his 
way through the neighbouring pool—she could hear 
the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his 
friends shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill 
voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests 
to execution—once more the pig-baby was sneezing on 
the Duchess’ knee, while plates and dishes crashed 
around it—once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the 
squeaking of the Lizard’s slate-pencil, and the choking 
of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed up 
with the distant sob of the miserable Mock Turtle. 

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed 
herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to 
open them again and all would change to dull reality 
—the grass would be only rustling in the wind, and 
the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds—the 
rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, 
and the Queen’s shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd 
boy—and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the 
Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change 
(she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm¬ 
yard—while the lowing of the cattle in the distance 
would take the place of the Mock Turle’s heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little 
sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a 


160 


.ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


grown woman; and how she would keep, through all 
her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her 
childhood: and how she would gather about her 
other children, and make their eyes bright and eager 
with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the 
dream of Wonderland of long-ago: and how she would 
feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure 
in all their simple joys, remembering her own child- 
life, and the happy summer days. 




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